Confused. Would you feel the same way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Confused. Would you feel the same way?
23
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:25pm

I've posted about this guy a few times already. I've started to date him more regularly this past month. Hes the guy who I've known for about a year. I dated him a couple of times before. He disappeared and started calling again 7 months later. I posted about him about a week ago about moving too fast or not.

Anyhow, this is my latest confusion. Hes so unpredictable, I thought I was getting used to his unpredictability. I called him last Monday to make sure we have a date this Friday (yesterday). He confirmed yes and that he will call earlier. Yesterday around 7:30pm I called him because he still hadn't called. He said he would be ready around 10pm because he just got in and had to do some stuff. He also said he can't stay out late because he had to get up early. I asked if he would like to reschedule our date. So we agreed I'd meet him downtown to watch a movie.

After the movie at 12:30 at night, I asked if he was free next weekend. He will be out of town, which was fine. But then he goes - I don't really have to get up too early tomorrow (9am), and that we could do something, and he could follow me back to my home....

I felt a little put out. We were right downtown and everything was open. He didn't suggest a coffee or a bite to eat. I thought it was crazy for him to drive out to my place when he said earlier he can't stay out late. And we were right downtown already.

When I didn't confirm him coming back to my place (I just said - you really want to drive all that way?), he hemmed and hawwed about what else we can do. I was put out because we decided to do something downtown (where he lives) because he said he didn't have much time to spend out. But now, he wants to come back to my place which is in the suburbs. I didn't get upset at him. I just said - lets just leave it at this and when he gets back next week to call me.

Would you feel a little put out? Am I being selfish? I've dated him twice before a year ago, but recently, yesterday was only our 3rd date since we started dating again. Last week, I know he wanted more than just kissing. But I feel I don't really know what his intentions are to give him more.

I am confused. Would you be confused?




Edited 1/20/2007 1:27 pm ET by reggielicious

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 11:40pm

No, no, sweetie, don't do that. Don't debase yourself in that way. Even if he WERE to call you or agree to see you, it's pretty clear he's just looking for sex...but he's almost certainly not going to be HONEST with you about that! And you want more than that, don't you?

Let it go. Really.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 11:20am

Well, you can do only what you feel is right for you. It all depends on what you really want to get out of this association with this guy. and since I really don't know what your real inner thoughts and feelings are on the matter, i can't guide you appropriately. You may have a real thing for this guy, you may just have a wounded ego, you may like a challenge too, I could go on and on. I can't tell from your posts.

Like I said, if you have a good way with words I would suggest meeting in person, maybe lunch, and just talk about what you are looking for in a relationship right now. And ask him what he is looking for because maybe this won't work between the two of you. Throw it out there as a suggestion and see how he reacts. He may just want a casual thing and have no problem saying that. This way you'll know for sure. It is better to ask the question in person (with no forewarning, just suggest lunch) so you can read his face and non verbal body language.

Also, like I said, men, for some reason today, like to chased. That doesn't mean that he likes you more or less than a girl he chases. But wouldn't you like to feel as though a man expresses himself in a way that tells you he is super interested in you, the person, not just a role in the hay that he is persistently trying to get FROM you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 2:34pm

Well I don't have a good way with words. Knowing me, I would get emotional. He did ask me on my view on what is enough in a relationship for me the other time and I told him my views. I should've asked him at that time about him. I didn't want to scare him away by asking him. I told him I would rather be in a good relationship that lasts then be in one that only lasts a couple of months.

I guess I am not going to intiate anything. I already made it known that last time that I'd like to see him again. Its up to him. I don't want to be chasing him. Thats not how it should be. If he does call me I will see him then and then approach him with my thoughts.

All my friends tell me to forget him as well...

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