Confused...with the men in my life. Help
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| Wed, 02-01-2006 - 2:40pm |
I would appreciate it if someone helps me sort this whole thing out.
Perhaps I am making a big deal, but I am split in a 100 directions over these people in my life! It is overwhelming me and i need clarity.
1. I dated A for sometime, he fell in love, I could not, so after a lot of deliberation I ended things. But we continued to be friends. But his feelings haven't receded. He gets emotional from time to time, wants to spend more time with me etc. and we end up getting intimate (not sex) sometimes, despite half of my mind telling me NO. He is a great guy. Very understanding. He has very good qualties, and we are very compatible also. Did I end things prematurely with him? I don't know! He has hinted at long term commitment towards marriage a lot of times. The problem is, I don't feel "in love" with him. But am I making a huge mistake letting a good guy GO? He wont be around for very long. From what it looks to me, he is waiting for me, even though I have told him not to. Pretty soon, he will be gone, since he feels ready to get married and have a family. He is 30, settled in his career etc.
2. After ending things with A, I had started dating B for a few months. B lives long distance. Again, GREAT guy. Highly compatible. People loved us together. They told me I looked happy with him. Caring, humorous person. He fell in love with me, and wanted our relationship to go to the next level. BUT, he realized I wasn't too much into him and he started withdrawing a bit. I knew I was to blame. I just could not "fall" for him. I know he got a bit frustrated and asked me if I wanted to end things. I said that yes, maybe that is what we should do for the time being. Again, like A, I am in touch with B as friends. B wants to come see me this weekend. I know, B feels I am a great match with him, and he is waiting for me.
I ask myself, why am I unable to fall for these nice guys? These are GOOD guys! Did I end things prematurely with them? How long am I supposed to go to find out they are The One?
I know how it feels when I am very attracted to someone, and feel emotionally attached to them. I felt something for these guys, but not 100%. These guys are good to me! I am doubting my own judgment these days. Do I need to change the way I look at things? Maybe love will come with time? People say it will come with time.
I am talking to both A and B regularly, and I feel overwhelmed with the weight of what I should be doing, with the slight weight of their expectations and hopes, with the weight that I might be letting go of something that was meant for me?
3. I started talking to person C on the phone recently. We talk a couple of times a day. Everyday. Met him online. Never met him in person. Now, the odd thing is, I FEEL for this guy. C cares for me, and likes me, and says he might be falling for me, but he has no plans of marriage for the next 5 years. Plus, he is 4 years younger to me. But we can't help the way we feel for each other. I am getting very emotionally involved with C, with whom, perhaps, I have no future. Plus, it is funny, how C moves me emotionally, BUT, he does NOT have the characteristics A and B have. He is not very communicative! It frustrates me. But I feel very close to C, which I do not feel with A and B.
I am talking to A B and C regularly. And I am overwhelmed.
I want to streamline my life. Make my life simple. I want to be purposeful.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Should I give A and B more of a chance? Or let them go?
Is remaining friends a good idea when both STILL like me very much? (I will NOT be able to tell them I am dating someone else, becoz they will truly be hurt. PLUS, it will hurt me to hear if A or B date someone else! That is how weird this is)
What about C. Should I end things, becoz there is no future? Or should I give C a chance, meet with him, and see where it goes?
Or should I let go of A B and C.....completely, and start dating again?
I am really confused....
Help...:(
PS: I am really sorry for the long post.

Maybe you like uncommunicative guys. A and B are not going to "do it" for you. You don't feel more for them than friendship (it seems to me) and a relationship cannot work if the feelings aren't mutual. You can't "make yourself" fall for a guy just because he is good to you.
As for C, he is slightly unobtainable. He talks very little so he has an air of mystery. That's what probably made James Bond such a turn on. When a guy doesn't blab about his everyday life, we can only fantasize about all the wonderful things he is doing all day at the office. Also, he is not ready for marriage and that makes him slightly unobtainable. But it doesn't hurt to date C for now as long as he treats you well. Who knows? Maybe C will change his mind about not wanting to be married for at least 5 years. If you date him for over a year and there is no sign of the relationship moving forward, you might want to move onto to "D".
It sounds like you might have an issue with only being attracted to men who are not available in some way. Have you read "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter? If not, you might want to see if the patterns he describes resonate with you at all. If so, then you should consider seeking counseling to resolve those issues.
I think you should let go on all 3 men, do some work on yourself first, and THEN start dating again.
Sheri