confusing situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
confusing situation
2
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 3:39pm
My best guy friend recently amitted to me he had feelings for me. We both always knew there was something there but neither of us acted on it. When he told me i wasnt shocked that he had feelings for me i was shocked that he was actually admitting it. Well its been about 2 months now we see eachother at least twice a week lately a bit more. We havent had "the talk" yet and im nervous to bring it up. He says he loves spending time with me he always has fun always laughs and that i please him in everyway. Yet when the topic of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend comes up he says that hes not sure if hes ready for it because he becomes very jealous and that he doesnt want me to see him like that. Even though right now its exactly like we are boyfriend and girlfriend only without the title. Im so confused, if i make him as happy as he says i do then why wouldnt he want to be with me? im just confused and any advice would be great!
Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 6:20pm

gal_friend...

PG thinks that seeing the same man twice a week for 2 months really isn't adequate time to signify EXCLUSIVITY! Would you give the man a little more time...PLEASE???

If the feelings between the 2 of you are the same after a year...or even 6 months...and you haven't progressed to the next step (commitment/exclusivity/not dating others)...then you can BRING UP THE SUBJECT!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 7:55pm

He may be feeling that as a friend he can fulfill your needs, as a boyfriend maybe you'll find him a little less desirable, as his foibles become more apparent. "Titles" mean nothing - yet - change everything.

You think it is like boyfriend and girlfriend right now, but it is not because he is not being himself 100%.

If the only thing that holds him back is his jealousy then maybe you can talk to him about it and see what triggers his feelings of jealousy. Maybe he is carrying baggage from previous relationships where women tried to make him jealous so they could feel better about themselves, which is cruel. Jealousy means "watchful in guarding" because you don't want the object of your affection to leave you. It doesn't mean he loves you more because of it, but that he will closely guard whom he loves. Maybe you have a lot of good looking male friends who he would fear could woo you away from him. Talking openly about this quality of his might be a way for him to feel more comfortable entering into a relationship with you.