Confusing SITUATION!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Confusing SITUATION!!!
3
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 10:21am
PLEASE HELP!

I started seeing a guy about a month ago, we met out with our friends. We have meet up at random times with our friends...as of recently, we went out on a few dates. He has been somewhat sporatic in calling -- maybe twice a week since I met him. My friends originally thought he was a "player", but I don't really get that vibe from him -- he doesn't seem to be really after sex.

This past Saturday, we hung out at a bar with a few of his friends and he mentioned a few times how he really wanted me to come visit him this week (I am a teacher on spring break-- he lives about 30 minutes from me). He told his friends how we met, and they kept saying they hoped they'd see me again when I left the bar. The following day, Sunday, he called me again to make plans for the next day.

We went out on Monday evening ...to a nice dinner. (Conversation really flows well, like we're old friends-- so everything seems normal until after the date). We ended up fooling around a bit, but nothing major. I had to return home, but he insisted that I stay by him...he held me...cuddling...not sleeping(which I found strange at this point in our dating)& telling me all about his life, childhood, etc., He was rather upset that I left-- from what I gather.

Anyway, he walked me to my car & after kissing me goodbye...he said, "talk to you later". Perhaps I am reading into this, but that is a strange thing to say to someone you just held for over an hour. Isn't it normal to call after something like that? I'm not trying to think about this too much, there are plenty of guys out there that would treat me like a queen...and have...but this situation is driving me crazy. My honest plan is to move on, not concentrating too much on this...but I can't help feeling somewhat connected to this guy.

My questions: 1) What are his intentions? Does he like me? Does he not want a relationship? Is it possible he wants the milk without buying the cow? 2) Should I make myself more unavailable to see if he really wants me in his life?

Please help with this! Any advice would help!!!!!



Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 10:45am
From what I gather from your post, it does sound as if your friends were right and he is a player. He was sporadic in calling you from the getgo and when you do finally go out, he insists that you stay over after a great dinner and when you decide not to, the only thing he can say is "talk to you later", I think this is his way of getting out of having to tell you that he does not want to go out again, plus the fact you did not give him what he wanted....SEX. Sorry to be blunt, but if this guy really wanted to see you again, he would have said" that he had a really great time with you and when can we do it again", not talk to you later. You seem to have a great attitude towards it, so why not move on to someone else that really cherishs you and your time.

He could call you again, but I think you already knew the answer to this one before you posted. Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 10:54am
Clearly, he is "interested" in dating you. You've been seeing him ONE month... calm down! I think calling you twice a week is plenty, given the short amount of time you've known each other. He probably just considers you someone he is casually dating. You two are getting to know each other. When the time comes to decide if he wants a "relationship," he will let you know.

I think you have been wise to hold off on sex. But if it is true that he was "upset" that you didn't stay with him and have sex, I would consider that a huge RED FLAG. No mature, adult man should be UPSET that you aren't ready to get intimate, after only a month of dating. Watch this guy very carefully the next time you're together. If you really get the sense that he is angry about not getting his way, you might want to get out of the situation.

Otherwise, stop trying to analyze everything and plan the future already! Let things flow. If he is interested in you, he will pursue you. You should also make sure he is WORTH your time.

Good luck.

Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 10:56am
Again, I think this post was said well.