Confusion

Avatar for texasrose90
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Confusion
2
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:11pm
I have been friends with a guy for five years, and recently our friendship has taken on the “friends with benefits” role. We have made out on several occasions, but when I try to talk to him about us being in relationship he says “He wouldn’t be a good boyfriend for me”. On top of all of this he has been seeing other girls during the time in which this has all been happening. I am confused because he says he would be a bad boyfriend, yet he is dating other people, and up until recently when I stopped it he was more than willing to keep up the physical part of the relationship. I feel like I have been in a relationship with him for three years even if we haven’t said the words to make it official. I also know that he has a mental illness which causes him to have major mood swings, but this is not an excuse for this behavior. My problem is that I want to remain friends with him because he is my most trusted friend, but I don’t know how I can separate myself from what has happened between us, because I have developed very strong feelings for him. My other friends say I should just forget about him and move on with my life. But I have tried and cannot seem to do so. What should I do??
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: texasrose90
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:05pm

Hello texasrose!

 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: texasrose90
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:12pm
Take 6-12 months or so off from your friendship and have no contact at all with him. I personally would let him know you're doing so and why. Let him know you will get in touch with him when you're ready to re-establish a friendship.

You obviously have romantic feelings for him and letting go of them takes time, no contact and acceptance that the two of you aren't right for each other. Once you've let go of the romantic feelings, you can connect again as friends. The test: he tells you about a great new woman he's really serious about. If you are happy for him, then you're ready to be friends. If not, you're not.

Sheri