Contact him after two months?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Contact him after two months?
3
Wed, 07-31-2013 - 8:45pm

On a whim seven months ago I signed up for a free dating site. I met one man that became sort of a platonic best friend type relationship.

V-day came around and he asked me to go out to diner, I declined, and after two months of pursuing, he got the hint, backed off, and started dating another girl. I truly did not mind as at this point, I felt nothing for him, and it was a huge relief when this other girl came into the picture. He still continued to text me weekly and request to hang out during their five week courtship.

Well in the five week span of time after settling into all the changes in my life I finally fell for him. I realied what a great guy he was and how I was just being foolish to let it go. We got along great and had built a friendship off of just personality and not sex --which is so not typical.

The girl broke it off with him and I re-entered the picture wanting more. We went from just friends to hooking up and spending nights together. About two weeks into it I asked him to become exclusive. He told me he wasn't seeing anyone else but did not feel ready for bf/gf. He explained he had been hurt so many times in the past that he just didnt know how we would turn out and that he was not ready. This was after us talking for three months as friends. I figured at this point he should know if he wanted to be serious with me. Well, I let it go for a week and things on their own started to natually define us as a relationship without the label. At that point, he told me that he was not over the girl he had been with (from over three weeks ago) and needed time to get over her and that he was sorry, that he did really like me in the beginning, but he really wanted it to work with this other girl.

I was crushed but told him I was fine with his decision and that I did not want him to text or call me anymore. He never stopped texting me throughout their relationship --leading me to believe it was far more of a casual fling then it really was. I definitely would not have talked to him had I known they were an item and not just casual.

Well three weeks into no contact he texts me to hang out. I wasn't ready since I still had feelings for him. I was very friendly but declined his request twice and he ended up blocking me on a dating site we were both on. I was really shocked that he did that considering he was the one who had contacted me to hang out and neither of us had ever been harsh with one another nor even talked through the dating site he blocked me on. If he didn't want me to contact him then he should have blocked me on FB (we weren't fb friends but had communicated via fb email). It was just very odd.

Well two full months later I still can't get him off my mind. I wanted to let my emotions play out and see how I truly felt once some time was put between us. Problem is, I still really really miss him. And I do want to contact him in the worst way. I actually would have at the two month mark had he not blocked me as that was my time frame or figuring things out. I really, really, want to contact him. I found out as of last week he is back on a dating site so I assume he is single. How horrible would it be to just throw out a "hey how are you?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-01-2013 - 4:50pm

I seriously doubt things will work out since it seems that the 2 of you have never been on the same page, but just to satisfy your curiosity, you might email him or text if you have his number and say hi, how are things and did you get back with that girl?  Then see if he responds at all or if he says he's taken, at least you will know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 08-03-2013 - 9:20am

When I met him I was going through a job and location change. For the first two months of our friendship I was very much absorbed in my new job and had practically no time for anything else. I wasn't even thinking of dating. When the job situation settled, he had already fallen for another girl, but got mixed up and used me as a rebound thinking that maybe we could be more than friends.

I think I miss the friendship over anything else. I regret ruining that to take a chance at a relationship. I think I got a long better with him and had more in common with him than some of my closest girlfriends. We just clicked and had similar values but yet the sparks were never quite "right." We had a discussion or two about the spark and how we both had hoped it would grow. I think we both realized in the end that it wasnt progressing as we hoped but yet we were no longer just friends. The gray area was a disaster.

I think I will wait another week or two and text him for sure. I just don't know what to write exactly so that it comes off strictly as me wanting friendship and not me trying to make things work out. However, I think at 2.5 months after the fact it may be obvious that I am just checking in to say hello? What do you think and what should I write or rather shouldn't so that it does just come off like I miss him --the friendship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sat, 08-03-2013 - 9:46am

Male/female friendships are common when you're young and unattached. When people start getting into serious relationships, those friendships usually go on the back burner. I wouldn't accept my husband having a female buddy that he hung out with and spoke to daily, even if they weren't attracted to each. other. It's just a different dynamic that doesn't sit well the the significant other. There was a guy who would've been my best friend if he were a girl, but I knew his significant other wouldn't be okay with us hanging out, etc. It's a shame, but it's a boundary I set for myself since it otherwise would disrupt peoples lives. You two don't have chemistry, which is biology and something you can't control. You took a risk and it didn't pan out. Spend time with girlfriends and keep searching for "the one." Leave him to move on with his life as well. Good luck.