Continue or Control?
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| Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:54pm |
The problems started between my partner and I about 2 years ago when he was fired from his job about the same time as I started my first location (coffeeshop/Internet cafe). I tried to include him in the business but he didn't have the motivation or skill sets to be a partner. Things got bad for awhile, he threatened to kick me out of the house many times (he rents but is on the lease), was abusive, called me terrible names. I shut down when attacked, so it was not a good situation. After about 8 months he found another job but has since been fired from that too. Now, he's started his own business but is not motivated to put much energy in it. It did frustrate me as I’m a go-getter and have often offered to help him put together a website, business cards and so forth. He complains but doesn't want to do much about things.
We've had so many arguments I've lost count. He's always thinking I'm cheating 9never have), if I don't pick up my cell phone he calls multiple times and thinks I should recount every part of my day to him so he can a) pick it apart or b) accuse me of cheating. He has very loose ties with family members and has been married twice.
Last weekend he left his email account open, I've never thought to check up on him, but some subject lines read "Miss you Too" "Can't wait to see you". What woman wouldn't open up an email after reading that! Of course I confronted him and he told me it was a woman who he met on the bus commuting to work who now lives in Canada. He admitted he talks to her often about our 'issues'. What makes it hard for me is the fact we had decided to make a commitment to our relationship to see if we could make it work, but he still felt the need to emotionally reach out to this woman.
I asked him to leave, which he did for a couple of days but is now back in the house again. He says he still loves me and I'm the closest he's ever found to a soul mate. He tries to act like nothing is wrong, tries to hold my hand, kiss me but is angry when I pull away. It's like he doesn't want to be an adult.
Anyway, I feel like I've lost myself in this relationship but he has some great qualities that keep me with him. I may have lost enough of my self esteem (which sometimes I think he likes as form of control) to not make a sound decision on this. Am I overreacting to this woman? From this message, does it sound like he's a controller?

I ask you this: do you want to be going through this same scenario at this time next year? In five years? In ten years? I doubt it.
I say pack up your stuff and move out. You deserve more.
Kick him out for good this time.
Sheri