Could my soulmate be by married boss?
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| Fri, 08-13-2004 - 9:08pm |
I'm 41 and I've been married for 21 years to a really wonderful man that I love, but I'm not IN love with. I'm not sure I've ever been "in" love with him. I would never want to do anything to hurt him, though. In many ways, he's the perfect husband for me, except that I have no emotional connection to him. He feels more like a brother than a husband to me and, unfortunately, our physical relationship shows it. (As an aside, we don't have any children).
The person I'm IN love with, is a married co-worker who has been married for 23 years and has two grown children. He also happens to be my boss (though he wasn't yet my boss when I first started having feelings for him about 2 years ago). He is also a wonderful guy who would never want to do anything to hurt his wife and children. But I'm 99% sure that he's in love with me, also.
We both are extremely religious (though we are from two completely different religions) and realize that adultery is a sin. We've never done anything to act on our love for each other, except for having a handful of really deep and meaningful conversations in which it felt like our souls really connected. We didn't even plan for the conversations to go that way; they just happened. I've never felt anything like the connection I have with him. I really do feel like he's my soulmate, and I never even believed in soulmates until I met him.
Can I get some opinions on this whole situation? I almost quit my job over this, but I can't stand the thought of never seeing him again. Is it possible that God put us together, for a platonic relationship, to learn how to truly love someone, even when there's no chance of ever consummating that love in a physical way (at least not without causing pain and heartache for all of those around us - including ourselves)? Am I totally screwed up and delusional?
Anyone have any ideas on how to get through this without going crazy? (Quitting my job or transferring to another department isn't an option -- I've already thought of those possibilities).
Thanks, in advance, to anyone who'd like to respond.

Seriously, I feel like I can withstand any temptation for a short period of time, but if I don't know that the temptation is ever going to end, and I see no way out of it, it can feel a little hopeless. I wasn't looking to fall in love with Charlie -- it just happened. I know that sounds like a cop out, and I would have had some sort of a religious answer for anybody who gave me that excuse 2 years ago, but now it's happened to me, and I realize I really don't have any control over who I fall in love with. I can control how I act upon that love, though, and so far I've been succeeding pretty well by all outward appearances. I avoid entering into those deep, spiritual conversations with Charlie, but sometimes a perfectly innocent conversation just goes that way. We never put ourselves in situations where we're alone for an opportunity to have physical contact or even deep conversations. We really are doing everything we know to do in order to avoid having an affair, and we've been doing it successfully for 2 years. We've literally never even TOUCHED each other except to shake hands at a formal awards ceremony. But that doesn't change how we feel about each other.
So how long does the exam last?! Any idea on how to fall "out" of love with him - especially since I have to see him and interact with him everyday?
You claim that you are Charlie are in love, but are you sure it's not just a delusional fantasy on your end? Are you sure you're not just making it out to be more than it is? Has Charlie ever actually told you, "I'm in love with you"??
Please file for a divorce. You owe that to Joe, so that he can move on and find someone who will love him 100% and not out of pity or selfishness. Then realize that once you are divorced, you will still not be with Charlie- he's a married man and you have NO RIGHT to pursue him until otherwise. And if he tries, then he's not worth it- he should have the respect for his wife to ask for a divorce so she too can move on.
I hope that you will do the right thing, and in your heart, I know you know what the right thing is.