could there be more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
could there be more?
4
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 8:05pm
During the summer I met a good man online, by chance. We emailed and chatted on the phone for several days and finally met about two weeks after the initial conversation. Both of us are happy being single and are not currently "looking". Isn't that the time you find something good? We have great times together and good conversations when we don't have the time to get together. We were both in LTR's that ended years ago and have not dated since. Neither of us have children. He has told me that he is not ready to date or be serious and I can relate. We are not going out with others at this point. I don't really have a problem with the way things are, but he makes time for me EVERYDAY. This contact maybe be just a brief text message or if time allows a visit with him. He always apologizes if he misses a day or is later than usual with his call. I work crazy hours and he works third shift. I am not used to my "friends" taking time out of their day for me so, I was just wondering if I should let my heart and feelings go or continue to keep my wall up a while longer...? He swears it is NOT just a sex thing... Which maybe I'm stupid, but I believe him. I live 35 minutes away and he calls when there was no sex. I just feel that he is going through a lot of extra's if he was just in it for the sex. I am a very realistic person and do not live in a fantasy so, if anything I am playing this down. He has been good to me and I am very happy for the time that I do share with him. I will not be disappointed with your replies. Just want your opinions... thanks R
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:15pm

There's a WHOLE lot of space on the relationship spectrum between "just sex" at one extreme, and "serious committed long-term relationship leading to marriage" at the other. So just because it's not just sex, doesn't mean it's going to become serious.

So long as you recognize that it's totally possible to be in a casual relationship that's more than just sex but probably isn't going to become serious (because he's told you that's not what he wants), and are OK with that, have fun!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:22pm

Nope, there is no more than what you have now.

Hon, you're in a friends with benefits kind of deal. The only strings that attach you both is the friendship and the sex. You're casually dating and such.

His frequent calling/texting maybe due to him not dating more women at this time. He has all the time for you, as he's found in your what he's looking for now: sex and friendship. When his situation changes and he's interested in another woman in a serious manner things may be different, although the benefits may not change at all.

The day he doesn't call, in his mind, there won't be any thing you can say to him because your deal is casual dating. NSA. There is no responsabilities to the other. He can come and go as he pleases and so can you.

I wouldn't read too much into his behavior. He's enjoying the moment and so are you. Your deal is casual and not serious. You both entered the deal as it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 5:56am
He says he is not ready to date or be serious, so I would believe him. His actions might be very pleasing but, unless he says he is ready for a commited relationship, then take everything that is going on at face value.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:20pm
Thanks all, that works.