is this crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
is this crazy?
6
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 11:44pm
Well, I started dating this guy on/off for about 9 months now and we are doing the long distance thing..he lives 4 hours away from me. There has been visits here and there and next week I am going to his place for Thanksgiving. Things are actually has been going well in my opinion. The more I talked to him and such, I feel that I like him even more. I am really scared that one day he's just going to break up with me so this past weekend I was thinking maybe I should just break up with him before I get too attached.. he still calls me a lot on weekends or weekdays depends on if anything exciting is happenning. For sure we talk once a week on a certain time. Most of the time, our conversation is pretty good I think..of course sometimes since it's scheduled .. it's a bit boring if we already talk the day before or something ..
Am I just being crazy and insecure? or should I just enjoy the moment and not think about the fufure,, but if we're going to put all this effort and be emotionally attached I do want some assurance.. This was also my fear before I decided to take the step of dating ..I used to have this mind set, the right person would come along and everything will be perfect. I am really scared that he's going to just break my heart.. even though its a little late to be saying that now that I am somewhat attach to him right?
Any advice would be appreciated
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: spiffer81
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 8:08am

spiffer81...

Pianoguy suggests that if you want 'assurance'----drop the boyfriend and adopt a pet instead! Here's the reason....a pet will provide UNCONDITIONAL LOVE as long as you feed, walk and occasionally permit him (or her) the opportunity to pee!

Personally...I think you're trying to write this chapter (of your current relationship) BEFORE you actually LIVE IT! Not a smart thing to do because you'll eventually end up 'pushing' for a commitment that your current b/f may not be ready to make???

Long-distance relationships S**K, but unless you decide to make the choice to move closer to your b/f...the 4-hour separation is an issue the two of you have to deal with!

2 Thoughts:

1. Don't anticipate problems! If they're going to happen...THEY WILL!
2. If you don't feel comfortable having a relationship with ANY MAN......THEN DON'T!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: spiffer81
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:34pm

Fear is normal, as in instinct for self-protection but don't deal with it by cutting out of your prematurely someone you care about.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
In reply to: spiffer81
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 8:42am
Well, I visited him for thanksgiving. It was nice..I miss him already.. We both wished that we have more time, but on the other hand we both do have things to do for school stuff. We both talked about how we shouldn't give up our career dream for each other ..or at least for now because "we're not there yet, and he doesn't want to make promises he can't keep" I agree with this but on the other hand, as a girl, it would be nice to have some assurance..:) I think I like him even more.. I guess I can only hope and pray and enjoy the time ..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
In reply to: spiffer81
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 10:05am

Hello Pianoguy,

So..instead of getting a dog, I decided to keep going out with this guy..Things are ok I think.. although, I do have a question.. he's planning to visit me at the end of the month, details still a bit fuzzy.. so I did asked him if we can spend new years together..and (by the way this was over the phone) and he just get all quiet and not say anything. He did asked why..and I said it would be nice.. Before this question the conversation was great. And.. so to make things a bit better, I just said..forget I asked..and forget the last 5 min conversation and then we talked about something else and in the end it was an ok phone conversation. Do you think I am asking a lot here? Also, why he gets all quiet and all..
Thanks for reading..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: spiffer81
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 7:33am

Maybe he has something planned for New Year's already. You suggested New Years and he gets all quiet. If he didn't think this was a good idea he should have told you.

You shouldn't have told him to forget it, but told him to think about it and the two of you can discuss it later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: spiffer81
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 10:25am

spiffer81...

Pianoguy's best guess for your "almost b/f's silence" has to do with the time and the place.

The last few days prior to New Years Eve usually mean "ringing out the old and welcoming in the New!" It's entirely possible this man might be under the impression that you're rushing him a little? OR.....he has made other plans for the end of the year already....but doesn't want to disclose them to you?

Pianoguy