Crush on someone who's taken...
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Crush on someone who's taken...
| Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:21pm |
Well I've got a doozy of a question for all you ladies out there. I'm in an interesting situation. I live in Chicago and I'm a single guy (yes, I came to the cosmo website for advice). I graduated from college not long ago and am currently working for a law firm in the city. Not a bad gig. But my love life is far from stellar. In fact, it's nonexistent. But there is a small glimmer of hope, or at least I think so. I have become friends with a girl I knew from college. She moved from Ohio to Chicago not long ago and doesn't know many people here. She's a cute blonde and I've totally got a crush on her. One big problem though: she's got a boyfriend. Wait, it gets better. Her boyfriend is a fraternity brother of mine who is still in college. So as you can see, I'm in a precarious situation. I am totally falling for this girl and she's totally unavaliable. And what makes it harder is the fact that she seems to be totally in love with him. I mean she drives to Ohio to see him when he can't come here. She talkes on her cell phone with him when she's with me. I joke around with her about her having a boyfriend, but it sitll makes me feel a little empty when she calls him when she's with me. But I think there is hope. We have gone out more lately than ever before. We went out for dinner and drinks last Saturday and we really hit it off. He was at school and wasn't around. I think that part of it was the fact that she's got a man. It took some of the pressure off. We just drank and ate like we were good friends. And we are. But As many of you know, a guy can't be "Just Friends" with a girl. I've fallen for her and I don't know what to do. We are going out tomorrow night, and I don't know what to do. Basically there is nothing I can do. I mean her boyfriend is my frat brother, and my friend. But I can't overlook my feelings and act like they don't exist. I think my best course of action is to just go with the flow. I mean I don't expect to sleep with her, so I guess I just have to be her friend. If things go sour between her and her man, then I can consider making a move. But until that happens, I'm stuck. What does everyone think?

No, you are wrong:
"I think my best course of action is to just go with the flow."
This lady thinks you are her buddy, you don't want to be buddies so you plan to park yourself in the friend zone until you see a crack in the situation and then go for the gold.
That is so wrong on so many levels. What you are doing is completely dishonest. This lady is unavailable. I understand you are a lawyer and probably working a lot of hours, but you are going to have find the time to find a woman that is available to date for a relationship. And, yes, I a guy can easily be "just friends" with a lady.
Work on your own life, forget this lady. If she breaks up with her boyfriend I am sure you will hear about it and then you can ask her out on a date if you are still available.
The last part, of course, cracked me up.
You are contradicting yourself. You say you can't be friends with a woman, but then you say you ARE her friend. You can't have it both ways. Which is it?
OK, but you contradict yourself here. You are saying that you are only friends with this girl but you are saying that men can't be friends with women (thus you can't be friends with her). So you're her friend but she's not YOUR friend? Sorry, I'm just trying to understand. From what I see, essentially, you ARE sitting around waiting for things to fall apart with her boyfriend because she's not your friend, she's only a girl you haven't f*&%ed yet.
You are probably going to wind up being disappointed. If I were you, I'd limit time with her and focus on finding a woman who is available. Besides, the longer that things continue this way, the more you are going to develop feelings for her. Something could happen between the two of you that would not only ruin her relationship with her boyfriend but could ruin your relationship with her or ruin your relationship with your frat brother. If she ever gets wind that you have a crush on her and have continued to see her (even as a friend) while she is completely in love with her b/f, that puts her in a very awkward position. She'll probably be uncomfortable and end the friendship anyway. There are thousands of available women in Chicago. Find one and move on from this girl who's unavailable. If they break up, you'll know and can move in then, but for now, move on.