Dancing

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Dancing
14
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 12:09am
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years. Everything is pretty good in our relationship, except one thing. When he goes out to the bar he dances, with every and any girl possible. And it seems like everytime he goes out, we fight about this subject, over and over. And I mean it isn't just "dancing", it is dirty dancing, slow dancing, pretty much every dancing imaginable. He says he just does it cuz he likes to dance, which he does, but I don't think he should have the right to do that and for me not to get mad about it. Am I just overreacting? Do other "committed" guys do this? Is this normal? Please help!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2005
In reply to: mshanahan10
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:50am
I don't feel you are over-reacting b/c you all are supposed to be in a committed relationship. There is a certain amount of respect to be maintained with that. I don't blame you for getting upset, and if he continues this despite your being unhappy about it. There may be a bigger issue here of him not caring about how you feel....selfishness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: mshanahan10
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 10:13pm

He has the "right" to do whatever he pleases, wishes or feels justified to do. He's an adult, thus, it is within his rights. That said, is it considerate? No, not so much. Are you going with him, or you have you just heard about his "dirty dancing" rather than seeing it first hand? I mean, the way you've described it, that would be pretty ... um, well, inconsiderate ... to be dirty dancing and slow dancing with girls other than you. A dance or two ... I could understand that. But, all night long! While you're there? But, if you're not there, where are the reports of all this dancing coming from? (him or others?)

Just curious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: mshanahan10
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:43pm
4 years? I don't think I'd date this clod for 4 months! Has he always behaved this way? And why doesn't he dance with you when you're out? Like poster #2 says, there is a bigger issue than just dancing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: mshanahan10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 1:59am
Okay here is our story. My boyfriend goes out every Thursday (after bowling) and sometimes on the weekends (depending on what the "boys" are doing). And I don't mind that at all, I actually agree with him being able to go out with the guys. I can remember one time I went to the bar with him and he was dancing with this one girl the whole night. And I automatically thought "Okay so this is what he does when he is at the bar all these nights." I was outraged so I left. He came home shortly after that and we had a long discussion. He said he only does it because he likes to dance, and there is nothing more to it. I believed him and it wasn't brought up again. Yet in the back of my mind I would always look at the girl differently when I saw her around town. I went out with him a few times after that and there was no dancing, just drinking and having a good time. My boyfriend started to go out without me (with the boys, yet again... I have NO problem with that) and I would hear stories from our friends and the boys that he went out with that he was dancing with all these girls again. I brought it up, and he yet again said "I just like to dance." I am rarely knew to the bar scene, but when people drink, and get drunk do you automatically just like to dance. It this normal? I know I am a jealous person, but am I really overreacting that much? Do any of you have a boyfriend who just plain and simple likes to dance? I am just embarrassed by the whole situation because people I know, relatives, friends, who ever is at the bar that night sees my boyfriend dancing with these girls, with me no where in sight. Ahhh someone tell me something!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mshanahan10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 2:00pm

Why doesn't he dance with YOU? Do you not like to dance?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: mshanahan10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 2:15pm
I don't think it is normal for a guy to go out with his friends as much as he does. He seems to go out with his friends Thurdays, Fridays and Saturdays? When does he take you out? Sunday afternoons for a one hour brunch? You are definately not overreacting. If anything, you are underreacting. A real BF would take you out, dance with you and weird stories wouldn't be getting back to you. Your friends who see him and are wondering why you're not there, has cause to scratch their heads over this. They are looking out for you and probably feel you shouldn't put up with his crap.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: mshanahan10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 2:31pm

<< Do any of you have a boyfriend who just plain and simple likes to dance? >>

No, I don't have a BF who plain and simple likes to dance ... but, I'm a woman who plain and simple likes to dance.

When I go out without my BF and there's music, sure ... I'll dance. Sometimes, I'll dance with other guys, but not in a way that I'll let them touch me inappropriately.

Othertimes, I will dance where my BF is ...he's a musician, so he's playing, I'm dancing ... it's all well and good. And, yes, I'll dance with guys ... sometimes ... though, most of the time, I'll just dance with the girls, mostly because I don't really enjoy dancing with guys I don't know ... but, if I do dance with a guy, MOST of the time, he knows who they are ... sometimes not, but that's basically my choice because, as I said, I don't really like dancing with guys I don't know ... and if I do, I make sure they keep their distance ... but, that's my boundary to keep. My BF has been there in those situations ... and, he doesn't mind ... he's doing his job, and I'm having fun ... and he's glad that I'm having fun.

If he's bumpin', grindin', gropin' other girls while he dances with them, that's a problem. If it's just dancing, what's the problem?

It could really and truly just be that he likes to dance! Hon, if he was cheating, he wouldn't have to be dancing with them ... dancing can just be dancing. Why aren't you dancing with him when you go out together? That could help! If he's dancing with you, he can't be dancing with other girls, right?

If you're embarrassed about what others think ... get over it. Most of the time, people aren't thinking as much about US or our situations as we'd assume they are. If you're no where in sight, why not join him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: mshanahan10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 3:16pm

Is he doing this when he's out with you. Then you are not over-reacting. this is disrespectful of you EXTREMELY disrespectful. Or does he do this when he's on his own or with friends...and later tells you about it? Does he at least get why this would get you upset? this is where actors have it over guys in the real world - they can film love scenes and go home and say, gee, what a hard day at the office i had!


Can't he do this dancing with you, as foreplay? That's pretty hot

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: mshanahan10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 9:02pm
No, I don't really like to dance that much... yet again, another problem!! :P
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: mshanahan10
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 9:28pm
Okay, thank you for your advice. I just needed to hear from someone who was somewhat in the situation I am in. I'm not too sure if it's "bumpin and grindin" but I know it is "freaking"... put it this way, he came home one night with his pants ripped right down the ass.... i guess he just got "too low" lmao... and maybe he's not dancing wth just one girl, and maybe he is dancing with everyone... who knows. I'm just saying what I hear. I am pretty sure my boyfriend knows everyone he is dancing with though. We live in a pretty small town where everyone knows everyone. I'm pretty sure he isn't touching them inappropriately pretty much just dancing. But I still don't like the fact that MY boyfriend is dancing with all these other girls. I guess I am just overreacting. Thank you again for your advice... I guess when he says "I just like to dance" it means that he really just likes to dance.... thanks! :)

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