Dancing

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Dancing
14
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 12:09am
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years. Everything is pretty good in our relationship, except one thing. When he goes out to the bar he dances, with every and any girl possible. And it seems like everytime he goes out, we fight about this subject, over and over. And I mean it isn't just "dancing", it is dirty dancing, slow dancing, pretty much every dancing imaginable. He says he just does it cuz he likes to dance, which he does, but I don't think he should have the right to do that and for me not to get mad about it. Am I just overreacting? Do other "committed" guys do this? Is this normal? Please help!!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
In reply to: mshanahan10
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 5:06am
Why are you not dancing with your man when you are out? Is there other issues, like him getting phone numbers or constantly cheating? What are you doing while all this dancing is going on? Maybe you should get up and dance the lambada with some guy just to show him how it feels. But if everything else is cool in your relationship and you are reaping the benefits from all that dancing when you get home, I say dance with your man more, concentrate on having a good time when you go out and maybe tease him a little with some fancy footwork of your own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: mshanahan10
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 1:42pm

You're welcome! Yes, some people truly DO just like to dance. Personally, I LOVE to dance! If I had a BF who had a problem with that, I would have a problem with it. I would, of course, listen to his concerns and take them into consideration, but ... if it caused repeated problems, when I know that I'm not doing anything other dancing and enjoying myself, then ... yes, I would have a problem with that ... because, that means for whatever reason, he isn't trusting that it's just DANCING because I enjoy it. And without trust, that's a fundamental element lacking or damaged in the relationship.

However, I'm also open-minded and can see things from all sides. As a woman, it's easy for me to go out dancing ... with my girlfriends. I don't have to dance with other guys, because well ... it's more acceptable for girls to dance with girls. Right?

But, how many guys (straight guys, that is) are into dancing with other guys? NOT MANY! ha. That's a little "unmacho," kwim?

So, his options are ... dance alone ... or dance with other girls ... or dance with YOU!

I do see compromises that can be made here. If it's something he TRULY enjoys, as it seems to be, try to enjoy it more WITH him.

If you aren't that into going out dancing, perhaps you guys can take some couples dance classes together? Swing dancing, for example, is a TON of fun and something you could learn together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: mshanahan10
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 2:30pm
Yes, the person you're involved with should definitely respect your needs and give your feelings prime consideration!
,
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: mshanahan10
Sat, 12-10-2005 - 6:06pm

I loveeeeeeeee to dance. I've had bf's that didn't. But I would not dance with other guys. I would stand with them and dance alone but next to them. THe simple fact is he's not respecting boundaries. My ex-husband used to flirt with all the girls when he was drunk and I forgave it. A few months into the marriage, I realized he didn't have too much respect for me, period. Had I payed attention, I would have noticed those signs.


Not to say your guy is the same, but look at his actions... anywhere else that he shows a lack of respect?


Pages