Dancing
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Dancing
| Wed, 11-30-2005 - 12:09am |
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years. Everything is pretty good in our relationship, except one thing. When he goes out to the bar he dances, with every and any girl possible. And it seems like everytime he goes out, we fight about this subject, over and over. And I mean it isn't just "dancing", it is dirty dancing, slow dancing, pretty much every dancing imaginable. He says he just does it cuz he likes to dance, which he does, but I don't think he should have the right to do that and for me not to get mad about it. Am I just overreacting? Do other "committed" guys do this? Is this normal? Please help!!

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You're welcome! Yes, some people truly DO just like to dance. Personally, I LOVE to dance! If I had a BF who had a problem with that, I would have a problem with it. I would, of course, listen to his concerns and take them into consideration, but ... if it caused repeated problems, when I know that I'm not doing anything other dancing and enjoying myself, then ... yes, I would have a problem with that ... because, that means for whatever reason, he isn't trusting that it's just DANCING because I enjoy it. And without trust, that's a fundamental element lacking or damaged in the relationship.
However, I'm also open-minded and can see things from all sides. As a woman, it's easy for me to go out dancing ... with my girlfriends. I don't have to dance with other guys, because well ... it's more acceptable for girls to dance with girls. Right?
But, how many guys (straight guys, that is) are into dancing with other guys? NOT MANY! ha. That's a little "unmacho," kwim?
So, his options are ... dance alone ... or dance with other girls ... or dance with YOU!
I do see compromises that can be made here. If it's something he TRULY enjoys, as it seems to be, try to enjoy it more WITH him.
If you aren't that into going out dancing, perhaps you guys can take some couples dance classes together? Swing dancing, for example, is a TON of fun and something you could learn together.
I loveeeeeeeee to dance. I've had bf's that didn't. But I would not dance with other guys. I would stand with them and dance alone but next to them. THe simple fact is he's not respecting boundaries. My ex-husband used to flirt with all the girls when he was drunk and I forgave it. A few months into the marriage, I realized he didn't have too much respect for me, period. Had I payed attention, I would have noticed those signs.
Not to say your guy is the same, but look at his actions... anywhere else that he shows a lack of respect?
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