DANG! I messed up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
DANG! I messed up!
4
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 5:11pm
Dang! I messed up! That's what I kept saying to myself last night after my date. It's my "first date" since husband left back in January. My date and I are both substitute teachers and met at an elementary school at the end of the school year last year.



I wasn't necessarily looking to go out on a date with him or anyone else it just kinda happened. Well.... I did pursue a little bit. Even before I met him..... I really dug the way he walked and dressed. Once I watched him walk for several minutes 'till he was just a silhouette way down the hallway. Don't worry no children spied me doing that. He has such a sexy swagger. Wow!

We got a chance to chat once or twice after school. Just casual conversation. Once however the conversation was slightly risque; when he helped carry some cookies I had baked and sat out for sale in the teacher's lounge. He carried them to my car as we walked and chatted. He said some interesting things to me while we walked. He told me I was beautiful and he was looking for someone like me to have his baby. I took it as a joke and just laughed considering I'm 46 and he's a little older. I think he's in his 50s. I'm guessing by his conversation and his appearance that he's in his 50s so he had to have been kidding about the baby stuff. Before I left that day we shared email addresses. Without giving out his complete email address I got a weird impression of him just based on his email. It starts off as eshegirl@____.com eshegirl????? Why would a man have an email address like that?! e-she-girl?????? Gee, what does it indicate? Is he bisexual, is that his wife or girlfriend's email?

We didn't communicate over the summer months. I sent him one email but he never replied. I saw him for the first time this fall session last week. When I got near him, I felt this powerful feeling up and down my spine and down to my toes and back up again. It kinda scared me because it was so potent. It was a delicious feeling - but scary. I hadn't even thought about him so I was surprised at my reaction to just being near him. I asked him why he never responded to my email. He claims he never got that email. I sent him another one that very day and he responded immediately. My second email to him I put in my phone number. He called two nights later and we talked for SEVERAL HOURS.

I was very turned on by what he had to say. We talked about everything and seemed to have tons in common. We agreed to get together the next day for coffee or a bite to eat. But he threw in a wrench when he said, "How 'bout I come get you now?" I said, "no" it's midnight and I'm going to bed. Him offering to come over to my house to take me to his house made me have another weird impression of him. But by now I was enamored and part of me really did want him to come get me.

So sure enough the next day he comes over... We go to a salad bar soup place. He brought a copy of a children's book he wrote. I read it and found it to be very cute. Then we went walking in Midtown Atlanta.... He wanted to hold hands and occasionally we walked arm in arm. Afterwards we stopped for ice cream and chatted more. We finished up and got in the car and headed home.... To his home. I reluctantly agreed to go to his house. I really didn't want to. We get there, it was a nice little house, furnished like him - a soft sophistication. We talked but I no longer felt that powerful animal magnetism. I knew at this point I was afraid of letting my guard down and allowing something to happen that I wasn't ready for. Actually he really didn't bother me in a sexual way.

At one point I told him it was time for me to go and he then came over to hug me. I didn't hug back so he asked me to hug him back. It was brief and not really anything to it. So we leave and he takes me home.

Here's where I messed up. During our drive to my home I told him he was weird. I was kinda joking but kinda serious. I was still holding on to the original impression of him when he gave me that e-she-girl email address - also had a weird impression from some things he commented on (not enough time to comment on his opinions about aliens from outer space). When we pulled into my driveway I told him he couldn't come in. He asked why and I said because I had not cleaned up lately. He however said he didn't care and insisted on coming in. He came in immediately took his shoes off and wanted to sit and eat a buritto he purchased on our way back. I got crazy and told him there's no place for you to sit to eat (Since separating from ex-husband, my dining table is full of papers, mail, etc.) We bickered back and forth about him staying and finally he left. He looked really angry. Dang! He's cute, sexy, single, funny, creative and I put him out. I was really embarrassed of my house and kinda upset that he insisted on coming in. Actually I was also upset that he had also insisted on us going to his house. I felt like he should have honored my wishes not to go to his house or mine on our first date.

I'm thinking if I wait a couple of days and call and apologize, maybe I can continue to pursue this..... What do y'all think? I generally like to get to know folks before I let them in my house whether or not it's messy. Also I don't like going to a man's house on our first date. I don't believe in strict rules around this, but I was disappointed that he insisted that we visit each other's homes so soon. Can I get some feedback on this? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 6:17pm
Hi, I don't have a lot of dating experience, but I know when a guy's being pushy. I thought he was inappropriately pushy. He seemed to assume a lot. I guess if it were me I'd be kind of careful of him. I've found that when people are inconsiderate of my feelings early in the relationship, it just gets worse. Best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 6:50pm
You don't have anything to apoligize for. Sure, maybe you could have said he was 'peculiar' or 'eccentric' instead of weird, but, hey....its already said. Don't apologize to him for anything. If you are going to apoligize, I'd say, "I'm sorry you didn't understand/respect my wishes for you not visiting my home on our first date."

Wanting to come get you at midnight to me screams booty call behavior, and innapropriate.

I have gotten vibes like this before from men. Attraction, sensual/sexual vibes, etc. Some I have thought might be bisexual ( just the thought in my head in combination with odd or different things said ). I agree the email address is weird. I'd ask him about it. Nothing wrong with asking him what his email address means. Hell, maybe he is a fan of seahorses...... they can change their sex (for real). hehe

I'd definitely ask about the email address in casual conversation.

Some people see nothing wrong with visting each others house, etc....and often times (especially older individuals), you can tell A LOT about someone by seeing their: home, decor, tastes, neatness, etc.....). He should have respected you about visiting his home or your home, no doubt. And, to 'ask you to hug him back', uh.....I wouldn't have liked that at all. Why does he need you to hug him. He could have easily just hugged you quickly and left it at that (you two AREN'T dating).

I don't think you messed anything up.

Proceed, with caution.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 7:15pm
Yep! Most of what you've said, ran across my mind. I agree about that "bootycall".

Oh well.... I better heed to what I know to be true and as you've said, "proceed with caution". I'll keep you guys posted.

Thanks crazygirl7113

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 7:21pm
"......I thought he was inappropriately pushy."

Yep! I think you may have a point!