To date or not to date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
To date or not to date?
1
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 3:16am
I just broke up with my X a month and a half ago. I have met a few guys since then, but I just have not met anyone that seems like a good match for me. The guys that I am interested in going out with are the ones that I know are not good for me or are out playing games. Then there is that fear of rejection and the guy not callinga fter the first date. I also would rather not go out with guys that I know do not measure up to my X when it comes to looks and position in life (career, etc). I know dating should be casual, but I am so busy trying to put my life back together that I have a hard time making myself go out or to even talk to guys I am not interested in. I don't want to go out with just "friends" because this will just give guys false hope. I am lonely a lot. I have tried to keep busy by going out with girlfriends, but that is starting to get exhausting and I still go home lonely. I don't want to close my doors to good prospects, but I know I'm not ready for a relationship too. I really am confused. I havent been single for five years and I forgot how dating is supposed to be. Should I go out with guys I am not interested in or attracted to at all? Can chemistry grow? What is a good waiting period until one should start dating again after a breakup? Does dating just fill your head with self-doubt and "no guys for me" out there thoughts? What should I do in the meantime? Please Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 3:31pm
I'm the same way, I would want to date to have fun, but wouldn't want to date anyone I'm not interested in to avoid the *wrong impression* factor. I know that we're not supposed to just go on looks, but there has to be something in the first meeting of someone that you're attracted to. Could be their smile, their laugh or their eyes. But if it's not there, it's not there and unless they are the FUNNIEST guy on the planet it's not likely to just *kick in* chemistry wise- that's been my experience.

I think that you're not ready yet to date and that's why you're having all these reservations. Make a conscious decision that you're not going to date anyone for the next month and just hang out with friends and make new friends. If you go into things expecting only friendships, then the anxiety goes down.

And sometimes when we're NOT looking we find someone.

Alison

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