Dating 101 Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
Dating 101 Help
3
Mon, 01-13-2014 - 10:06am

Hi,

 

I am trying to give serious effort in to finding someone. After spending the majority of my 20’s in school and concentrating on my career, I was feeling  now that I am in my 30’s I should start concentrating on other things in life, like finding someone.

 

So after a few months of giving online dating a try, I found some that I had some things in common with and we started chatting outside of the dating site via email, and now have moved on to texting.

My problem is this, I have been single for considerable amount of time (a few years), and I think I have become a little too comfortable in my single life. In the past couple of years I have become the person to vocal express how I would like to find someone for myself and that I can never seem to find someone.

 

Now that I may have found some who I may consider dating, I feel like I have been launched into some kind for panic. I haven’t even met this person face to face ( the idea of it makes me noshes.), and I am already thinking I don’t want this person to change my life, or change me. I don’t think this is normal, but is this something that other people have gone through, and how did they deal ?. I know and understand I have to make a change if I want any person in my life, How do I deal with this ?. I’m really scared about the idea of dating again and seem to pick the person apart to find a reason not to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-13-2014 - 10:59am

I think that your anxiety will calm down if you don't make such a big deal about it in your mind.  If you think about dating as "I have to find "the one", then it will be very stressful.  If you look at it as just an opportunity to meet new people and know that not everyone will work out, it should be a lot better.  When I met someone for the first time from OLD, I always had very low expectations.  I just hoped the time wouldn't be terrible.  I also thought well, if the dating doesn't work out, maybe I can make a friend.  If you meet someone and you feel that the person wants to change you, then that person is obviously wrong for you.  A good partner will accept you the way you are.  But having a relationship is going to change your life, hopefully in a positive way.  After all, if you are part of a couple, everything can't always be what you want and you have to compromise sometimes but it's also a 2-way street--plus you get the positive benefits of having someone care about you.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 01-13-2014 - 2:15pm

  You are like many people in this (US) society.  The pressure to "settle down" is great.  However,it is normal to dislike the dating process.  You are right to be cautious.   What is your real reason for wanting to date?  Because you think you are supposed to "find someone"?  What for?  How is this someone going to enhance your life?   There is nothing wrong with being comfortable in your life. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2014
Fri, 01-17-2014 - 8:28am
It sounds great that you started finding Someone with Online dating after completing your studies and getting bit settled. Now you turned into more mature, more experienced person. I want you to have positive attitude If you have found Someone with Online dating, dont get doubtful about several things including your past single time and other person's nature. It's better to meet, talk and brush aside your doubts by healthy conversation. If things are as you think good, go ahead. Life goes so smooth, if we find good mate and you are lucky to find One by Online dating already.
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