dating advice
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| Tue, 11-09-2004 - 12:37pm |
I recently met a man at an online dating site. We emailed back and forth...pictures were exchanged and then we started talking on the phone. We had so much chemistry and had many long conversations about different things in our lives. He is almost divorced and has his daughter every other week. We got together on the spure of the moment one night and there was no akwardness...we just fell into conversation like we did on the phone. We started holding hands then kissing and making out a little. We spent about 5 hours together that night and had a wonderful time. We have talked a couple of times since then and he has called me. The problem is that he had his daughter the week after we met and he moved. He has been extremely busy with that move. He still acts like he wants to get together again but says he is having a hard time deciding when and what. I called him on Sunday and left a message...he hasn't called me back. I just don't know what to think. I know he has had a lot on his plate the last couple of weeks...so I feel like I should give him the benefit of the doubt. But I also feel like maybe he isn't interested...or something. I know we only had one date but I felt a connection and think he did too. What should I do? Sit tight and see what happens? Ask him what is going on? Let is go without knowing what happened? Stop obsessing and let thinks take there course? I am trying hard not to let him see my insecurities...of which there are many...my heart/head says chill and give him time to get his life organized again and the other part is like what gives?

-Jamie
I can definitely relate to what you're feeling as my situation is similar. I met
this nice guy in a restaurant,headwaitered and instantly had great chemistry.
He became my usual waiter,as we always had great conversations,he'd linger and
pull up a chair to chat. Finally asked me out after our frequent weekly visits]
asked for my # and called me after a week. A little later,we went out, had
indepth conversations over family,career,friends,backgrounds and common
interests. We're never lost for words,spent 4 1/2 hrs on our first date. He smiled,
was warm,witty,physically attractive and a gentleman,stood up before I sat,hugged
me,never lost eye-contact. He walked me to my door,kissed a little,I felt our
immediate attractions to each other,wanting the evening not to end. He said good-bye
and hugged me,kissing softly(I wanted more),he expressed what a great time we had
and said when can we go out again. My mom being ill with Lymphoma,in hospitol during
this time,he asked if he could visit mom. He had met her at times
when we ate in his restaurant. Mom was so ill,had to be in ICU for bad reactions to
her chemo,had restricted visitors,had to tell him not to go. He seemed okay by this,
and supported me thru frequent phonecalls of his concern for my mom. Going thru
this traumatic time,P. would comfort me,not seeing him and I was always at the
hospitol,he also worked late. Our dates became less frequent. I one day called
him with tragic news,mom was now on lifesupport,organs notworking,her treatable
lymphoma spread like wildfire. Crying due to also losing my dad,who had lung cancer
2 months earlier,I was in a very bad state. P. came over late on evening just to
console me,lift my spirits,we spent hours talking on the sofa,we're going to get
close,in walks my brother,no privacy. P. moved a little less close to me,I know
things would have gotten closer if my brother hadn't been there. Timing for our
mutual desires for romance seemed inconvenient. MY mom sadly passed away,my friend was
there for me,at funeral and after. He then got another job,longer hours,further
away from where we lived,I saw him very little. Talking on the phone late hours
was our sort of dates,sadly. Timing seemed not on our side,he rang me to come to
his place one night,I was at my nephews home visiting his new baby girl. Saw
message,P.left,called him late,and he seemed disappointed. I called him,explained]
where I was,said to go over for a drink at his house. I sad,thanks would luv
to but longstory, don't have my own car,dad's is uninsured..He listened,thought
he offer to pick me up. This became a problem. Since then,with new job calls
less. I even went to see him last week at the nearby eatery he worked at.
Due to my not so independant lifestyle,(trying to get a car,recently lost job,
due to being caregiver with my ill parents,etc.).Thought P. would be a little
more sensitive,as he was in beginning. Perhaps he's met someone in his new job,
in a very busy hotel area,lots of tourists,gorgeous girls,etc. I
think you should not be afraid to ask where he sees this going. If he's caring
he'll find time for you and his current divorce problem.I'm sorry for not telling
P. how much his time in my loss meant to me,and should have found a way to
get a ride to his place that night last month. Don't let a potential love connection]
get away,despite his situation,tell him how you feel. He may respond very
much in your favor! I have one last thing to get P. to thinking about what
we're feeling, a thank you card,with prayers enclosed,to tell him just how special he
was(maybe still can be)for being there during my family loss. We're also very spiritual
and have this in common,some people aren't so religious. Praying for this to be a
sign for us still to see one another soon,(but will not call him) The ball is now
in his court,hope he doesn't drop it! Best wishes,Bellina
C