Dating advice in a small town!
Find a Conversation
Dating advice in a small town!
| Fri, 02-10-2006 - 9:32am |
I definetly need some advice. I live in a modeerately small town. So there are two ways to meet guys - at work, or at the bar (we have PLENTY of those). The problem I am facing is that I don't want to get into the "bar scene" again and I own my own business! I'm young (24) and have a daughter who is a year old. I haven't been in a relationship in about the same amount of time. I am LONELY! But, going to the bars, yeah, I would find someone, but is it REALLY the type I want to have more than a one nighter with (which isn't what I am looking for).
So.. where the advice comes in - where can I go to try and meet someone. I'm looking more for a "hang out a few times a month, enjoy each other's company" type of thing. Any tips?



Well, look at the overall purpose and dynamic.
In bars, at events, at dances and parties - people there are looking for diversion, distraction, and amusement and fun.......so whatever presents itself that appears to be that at the time, they jump on it. It's what they came for. They're not committing to it - they're not interested in what it "could be" - they're interested in what it is because what it is - is what they came here for.
Put it this way......at a Rolling Stones concert 99.9% of the people in attendance are there for the fun, excitement, thrills, and music in the moment...they're there for the chaos, distraction, and energy. You MIGHT find one person in there who's interested strictly in the Stones performance presentation and sound quality, and who can elaborate endlessly on the fundamentals of the group, their song suits artistically, their shortcomings etc.
So you're not likely to meet someone interested in something more htan "what is offered right now" - at a type of location/event that's purpose is diversion/distraction/instant gratification/amusement.
that would tell you that you'd need to join groups that interest you as to their cause and purpose, or take up activities that interest you and enlighten you to yourself.....there you'd find people interested in what is happening for personal reasons, needs, and goals, and you'd find more in common with them in terms of establishing a friendship, or developing an attraction. They're NOT there for fun, distraction, amusement...they're there becuase they believe in this and what it brings to thier lives.
You're 24 and a single mother. The reality is anywhere that most guys your age aren't interested in obligation, commitment, and responsibility with you and your child's well being and best interest in mind equally with thier own. Tehre's a few guys out there your age who're self-identified, defined, aware, and responsible they want that because they value what it brings to their life...but not many.
So you're not likely to meet someone that wants something more than "dating" in your own age group. That said, you're not stating that you want a relationship.
You're stating here as I'd interpret it that you want to 'date". Dating is about in the moment fun, companionship, conversation, enjoyment, shared activities and events....it's al about in the moment....and it's not about creating a future.
That would easily let you date guys your own age. Them being around your child is inappropriate, in my personal experience and opinion. The time to introdue your chilren to your dates is when that person has committed to being a step-parent. Children aren't barricades, or crossing gates to "a relationship with you".
So you going out a few times a month, with a sitter taking care of the child and you possibly having the option to stay out all night, or the child is in another location all night so that you could bring someone home if you choose - that'd work.
That's dating...it's enjoying the moments you share in mutually agreed activities, without expecting anything out of it except what exists right now.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Are those really the only two ways to meet people of the opposite sex??
Sports organizations
Activity organizations
Online dating
PTA
Parents without partners
Ask friends to fix you up
Business association meetings
Rotary
Kiwanis
Hospital volunteer
School volunteer
Volunteer EMT
Bowling leagues
Chamber of Commerce
Think outside the box.
That's why I posted, I wanted some meeting places that aren't the typical "hook up" scene. Since I have never met anyone outside the bar or workplace, I thought I could get some good tips of diffrent meeting places from people here who have had different experiences.
And no,(wingbladed2005) I don't need reminders on "appropriate" dating behavior where my child is concerned. She is, and always will be my top priority. Which is why instead of wanting a serious relationship, I am just looking for a friendly one that I can have fun with a few times a month. There will be plenty of time for "serious" dating when she is older.
What are your interests? Hobbies?
Have you looked into single parent groups in the area?
To meet interesting people that are wanting to do something beyond "hook up" - you're going to have to be involved in hobbies and interests and goals of your own......so that you meet people who do what you do - for their own reasons and interests.
i.e., - runners will meet people to either date casually, train with, or make friends with in "running clubs' - it's a group of people all interested in the same activity, for personal reasons.........so there is a common purpose to convene, and a common interest to share, converse in, and enjoy.
So there's "hanging out and hooking up" - and there's "casual dating" and there's "relationship dating".
You're not wanting to hang out/hook up - don't blame you there....so you're looking to date casually. You've got to have a common base of interest - in order to generate more than a hang out/hook up for in the moment instant gratification.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com