dating and intimacy....and then?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
dating and intimacy....and then?
2
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:11pm
Hi,

I'm so confused and don't know what to do....I met this guy about 2 months ago in an online chat (dating site). We started to IM and talk almost daily, since he lived far away it was kinda problem to meet him in person though. Anyhow, we (?) had this special connection and finally, he booked me a flight and we spent 1 absolutely wonderful weekend, together. It was obviously for me that it would not be easy since there was this huge distance between us, but at least I was conviced I could give it a try...I hadn't met somebody like him for a long time!

Then 2 days after this incredible weekend, I saw he was searching on this dating site again, my profile was hidden by that time and I only started browsing to see what he was doing. I got really disappointed and sad, after all that affection and intimacy I couldn't believe it took him just 2 days to start searching again. In the mean time though he would still contact and tell me 'I miss ya'...

One day after receiving an IM from him I decided to ask him. His response was, 'we never agreed to exclusively date only each other last you where here' and 'it does not mean I don't miss you'...I got really upset and pointed out that best was just to forget about all.

I don't know if it had been the right decision...I still like him so much and I know that after one weekend it's better not make any commitment, especially, if it's a long distance thing, although I think that after a lot of intimacy there should have been at least more respect for my feelings, and we had 'known' each other already for more than 2 months.

Did I do the right thing? I'm so twisted...

Please help me. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 12:42am
Hon, he's keeping his options open. He's not committed to you or anyone for that matter. Spending a weekend together, assuming you both slept and cuddled together, just says that you are willing to play his game: having fun and hooking up. He's searching the site because he wants to have more fun and there are out there more women like you, that believe that spending a night/weekend with a guy will make him "committed". Sweetie, men are practical and when the opportunity is there they take it and then they move on. For women it's different because we get emotionally invested, men don't. Learn from this experience and move on. Next time you meet someone online take your time to get to know him and don't jump the gun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 12:59am
Thank you so much for your response!You're absolutely right, even though I still think there is nothing wrong with getting intimate if the feeling is there. It may sound a bit cheesy to say feelings after one weekend...though, I still believe there can be something like love at the first sight/click ;).

Fortunately, he is not the only man on earth...:)

Thanks again...you've helped me a bit.