Dating and not wanting to have sex...
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Dating and not wanting to have sex...
| Mon, 09-26-2005 - 7:06pm |
I was on here talking to some people in a chat room and the topic of sex came up. This person asked about how long it's been since I've had sex. I said it was none of his business, but 5 years. He asked why. I told him, it's not important to me and I just don't think about it. He started talking to me like I was some sort of wierdo. I left the chat of course, but then I started thinking. Why is it so unusual anymore to not really care about sex? I had a child by a man who flat out told me he didn't want me for anything but sex, so I sheilded myself from it since then because I don't want to be in that situation again. Since then, I've had plenty of other things to think about then sex. I don't care about it and to me it's not important in a new relationship, why does it seem like all men want anymore is a relationship based solely on sex? I know there are other ways in showing you care about someone without it...urgh, I'm so frustrated, and fortunately not sexually...LOL

my personal opinion: for me, sex does not have to be part of dating at all. for me, i am not weird. maybe for others, i might be. but that's their opinion, and their life. so deciding whether to have it or not is a "personal preference". for me, what matters more is how we make a couple in "other" ways. i am not saying physical intimacy isn't important. infact, with two people who are very attracted to each other, it happens quite naturally. but that does not mean, that lines cannot be drawn. physical intimacy certainly can be created without actually indulging in the final act, which is more like the LAST STAGE to me. the journey toward it is what matters to me in the dating stage. and i also like to think of sex as making love. i want it with a person i trust and have the deepest feelings for. sure, i have a fear too that the relationship might not last(as, many don't) and i, as a girl, might be left even more wounded because i gave myself physically to him. i believe the physical act and its repurcussions leave a deeper mark on women. so i am very, very selective. i have every right to be. because there ARE many men out there who would be GLAD to flatter, and take advanatge. i have seen these men first hand. and then, another reason is that i don't want the man to come knock on my door every night for sex, but to purely see me. so that's why, i do not like to hurry, however attracted i am to the person, or however much i "think" i love him. i like to give it more, and more time. and the right guy will understand.
so if you believe in something and are comfortable with that, don't let any other opinion bother you. i am ALL for girls taking it slow.
Most people do desire a good sex life. If you don't like sex and it's not important to you, then it's a very good thing for the issue comes to light early on. That way you can screen out men with a high sex drive and instead try to date men who are asexual and/or have a very low sex drive and who won't want sex from you.
On the flip side of that, I'm a woman with a high sex drive, and I made sure that anyone I dated also had a high sex drive. My ex had almost no sex drive and sex wasn't something he wanted at all, so I felt rejected all the time. That was miserable and I wanted to make sure that wasn't going to happen the second time around. That doesn't mean that I base relationships on sex, only that sex is something I want in addition to any other compatibility factors.