dating and relationship?
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dating and relationship?
| Sun, 06-11-2006 - 11:59pm |
I have been in a relationship for two years in August. My boyfriend and I are both in are early 30s. We moved in with me last August. At the end of March my boyfriend and I had a great relationship conversation where he told me he saw us together in five years. We agreed we were not ready to get married, but we wanted to continue to look to the future. Then at the end of April he came to me and stated that he was confused about his life and was frustrated with how he has a dead end job and a lot of baggage. He told me he wanted sometime to think. A week later he came home and discussed that he wanted to move out and try and work on himself. He discussed how I always try and solve his problems (which I do) and he is not taking care of me, but I am taking care of him. He stated he wants to better himself and learn to be a better man and father (he has a son from a previous relationship). He stated he did not want to break up and wanted to continue seeing me. He stated that he would understand if I wanted to move on, but he felt that he could be a better man and provider for me. He continues to call me and wants to see me. He offered me a key to his apartment so that I would feel comfortable staying the night at his apartment. I asked him if he knows anyone who has taken such a big step back and still survived in the relationship, and he replied that his parents seperated and have a better relationship since his mother returned after working on herself. I went on a couple dates, but I love my boyfriend and had a miserable time. I just don't want to be waiting for something that will never come. I am sure I am not putting everything down here, but this is the big stuff. He has always been honest and straight forward with me, not to mention sincere and loving. I am trying to be patient, but it is very difficult. Please give me any advise you can share.

I'd see it as a big step back as well. You can't solve problems in a relationship by running from it, which in my opinion he's doing. Would he be willing to attend couples therapy with you (as well as therapy sessions on his own) to work through some of these issues and baggage? If cost is a matter, there are generally community services with sliding-scale fees.
It sounds like you're going to have to set the boundaries you need for yourself in the situation. What do you want for yourself? If he signs a year lease at a new place are you willing to wait that year not knowing where things are headed? If you want a stable relationship that's heading in the direction of marriage, this might not be the right one for you.
I guess I'd seriously think about how you can move on from this relationship. I'm not a big fan of "waiting around" too long for someone to figure out what they want from life. Although, that said, I can understand all the feelings and emotions that make decisions like this excrutiating and much, MUCH easier said than done. I wish you the best.