Dating Around
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| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:55am |
I thought I'd come here and drop a line and see if I can any words of wisdom. A 10 month relationship with my ex ended about 3 months ago. He was my first boyfriend and first love. It hurt like hell but now I'm moving on and dating other people.
I'm 22 years old and before my first boyfriend, I had never dated. I had kissed only one guy before that. But since my relationship with my ex ended, I feel like I'm just being bombarded by men (I'm definitely not complaining!) and I'm confused as to how I feel and what to do. A month ago, I started dating this guy, Dan, and from the beginning we knew it would just be a casual fling since he's leaving for air force training in 2 weeks. We agreed to keep the relationship open. Since then, I've had 2 one night stands. First one while I was drunk, and the second one after a semi-date and I don't intend on seeing him again. I've posted a couple of online personals and I've been getting icebreakers and/or emails pretty much on a daily basis from people nearby and far away. I've never had this much male attention before!
A part of me wants to enjoy this moment of being pursued by different types of men. I've always been unsure with guys before but now I'm feeling more confident than ever. I want to date around and see which one fits. On the other hand, I want to fall in love again desperately and find someone special.
I think I'm having trouble balancing the two. Any advice?

I think it is all right to fool around and have fun, as long as you are safe and careful. However, if you want a lasting relationship and real love, you should probably slow down, not get drunk so that you get physical with someone. Real love is built over time, by getting to know the person,a nd enjoying them for who they are, and not just physical/ casual attraction.
You say, " I want to date around and see which one fits. On the other hand, I want to fall in love again desperately and find someone special." These are not two separate objectives- you are going to have to date around, see how people "fit". That is the only way you will find someone special.
congrats girl on getting out there and dating. what you are doing is normal for your age, except for the one night stands. take it from someone who's been down that road and back. it's self destructive and can totally confuse you in the process because you start to equate long lasting relationships with the casual fling. and that's not good for your self-esteem. it's good that you are getting out there and enjoying the single life. everyone wants to be in a healthy relationship and that will never change no matter how old you get. you may want to start examining why you desperately want another relationship? ask yourself how much differently you can possibly feel with another person? you sound like you're having fun being that sexy single gal. why would you want to change that? now is the best time to find that right fit. you go and sample some more men. I would caution against too many one night stands, it's a temporary fix that is well...temporary. and you almost always end up feeling worse than before. so go forth have fun, flirt and make some good friends.
my sisters and girlfriends keep reminding me: you can be in a relationship and still feel really alone and unloved.
good luck, chickie!
Some women can handle dating 10 men... some women only date one at a time. I say try dating multiple guys first, maybe 2 or 3, and see if that fits.
Just because you're "dating around" doesn't mean you have to sleep around. It sounds like you are not too happy with yourself over your 2 one-night stands. If casual sex makes you uncomfortable, don't do it. On the other hand, if you are having a ball being sexually free, it's your body and your life. Just be careful about the drinking. Being intoxicated should never be an excuse for being intimate with someone. It's just too dangerous.
There are a lot of different kinds of men and experiences out there in store for you. You WILL be in love again, but most great love affairs start with a few dates. So enjoy the dating, and be safe!
Edited 3/2/2004 2:40 pm ET ET by jilly73
But you say "I want to fall in love again desperately and find someone special".
Not to put too fine a point on it, you're behaving like what used to be called a not very nice name. In addition to risking disease -- you want to get AIDS? -- and pregnancy. What appeals more, being a single mother or getting an abortion?
If you want to fall in love again and find someone special, you're not going to do it with casual flings and drunken one-nighters.
You really need to think about why you're behaving in this self-destructive manner, then think about how to go about your life in a healthier way.
Sorry to be such a scold, but this is how it looks to me.
why not focus on men who treat you like a lady - call you in advance for a proper date they put effort into planning and treating you like a lady while on the date - the sleeping around doesn't sound like it's a positive experience for you and you could get pregnant and or get an STD so please stop that behavior.
Read up on venereal diseases before you get one. You will be surprised of the many pitfalls of having casual sex.