dating dilemma
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| Mon, 10-18-2004 - 1:32am |
I decided to become more assertive and stick to the "separate checks" for the first few dates until you get to know the person and his money habits but dont u think so being extra assertive might scare a person away who otherwise would want to make a fruitfull attempt of geeting to know you better. I dont like the idea of men asking women to pay, a man who makes you dig into you wallet is cheap. Whst wrong with the old age style of dating where men paid for everything, modernization and womens lis has given birth to jerks who think they could get a free ride each time.
Please advise me how do I handle the money game as to who pays ?? or this jerk i met was an exceptional case and most men are not so degraded.
it seems to be a big issue in this country apparenty ( me being european - in the eastern world a man would die but not let a woman pay for anything ) .

You know, the idea of separate checks would only work if the guy doesn't duck out on you again while you're in the ladies room. If he did, you would again be stuck paying for his meal. I think the guy who did that to you should be beaten, but...
I'm definetly from the old thinking of guys should pay. Even if I go out with my boyfriend and I pay for dinner, I'll give him the cash before going into the restaurant, so that he can then *pay* for dinner.
You may just want to stick to coffee dates for the first few meetings with someone. Get to know them and watch out for the red flags. If meeting in a starbucks type place, arrive early and grab your own coffee if you're more comfortable with that.
I wish you smooth sailing on your next date. No more jerks!!
Alison
im so sorry that jerk did that to you! I can believe someone could be such LOSER!!! I'm pretty sure though that Karma will take care of him ;)
This reminded me of an article I once read, where a young lady was asked by her date to pay her half of the meal. A guy at the bar noticed this and immediately went to her and payed for her meal, making sure her date felt like a total creep for doing so. He asked her out that night and they eventually married!! That was so cool!
I think that your problem is that you're NOT screening your men before you decide to go out with them. The being assertive with the "money issue" is secondary. I think that a man who takes you to Burger King on a first date is a cheap man. I wouldn't go with him on a second date. In fact, I wouldn't have gone to Burger King either. If he took you to BK for a first date why did you go to a restaurant where the check was $125.00? I'd have suspected that he'd bail out on me. Set some boundaries on the man you want to date and these things won't happen again.
On the money issue, when it comes to paying the check on the first date offer if you really want to pay half of it. If you don't intent to pay half of it then don't offer. Usually, men pay the first time a couple go out, it's a rule but in general it's true.