dating an ex...dos and don'ts

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
dating an ex...dos and don'ts
4
Fri, 02-10-2006 - 10:30pm

hi was just wondering what you all on the dating board have to say about dating an ex. i guess i am mainly wondering how you know it's a good idea or not. or if you can really know until you try, again.

i guess a little background for my situation. we dated briefly (4 months). it didn't end badly or for any partcular reason other than we both decided we needed some time apart, some space from each other. we were able to be friendly to each other for a while and then had a short phase of not communicating at all. i didn't see him for over 6 months and then in the past month we've started hanging out again. just talking in passing, short conversations, very friendly, a little flirtatous.

i think i am falling for him. when we dated a year ago i wasn't really feeling much emotion, i like him but he was way more into me and into the relationship. but, now i am at a different place in my life, over my ex-ex (which i wasn't when we started dating) and i really want to try this relationship again.

i can't tell if he wants to or not. his actions seems to suggest he could be interested. i want to say something, ask him if he wants to try a relationship again, but i don't want to set him up or anything. what if i don't really like him as much as i think i do. do you ever really know? i think about him all the time, hope i'll run into him in the stairwell or in the lobby. but how do i know these feelings are real? how can i justify starting something with an ex.

what are your thoughts? is this a bad idea to pursue or will i be kicking myself for never asking him and finding out our potential?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 12:05pm
Give it more time before you ask him. Watch his actions and see if he continues to act more like a buddy or if he steps it up and asks you out. Believe me, if he IS interested in dating you, he'll let you know. In the meantime, you need to continue to be fun and freindly - you can even flirt a bit if you want to but keep it light. Since it didn't end badly, there is a chance you can get back together, but don't rush it this time and see how it goes. But at the same time, keep other options open - flirt and date other guys. You might find that you meet a new one that you like even more!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 6:29pm
Don't ask anything right now. Follow his lead. He will let you know what direction he wants to go. Just have fun, and flirt if you want. If you want more, then you have to wait and see what he does. Don't make any moves, it may scare him away. But like the other poster said, if he's interested in dating you, he would definately let you know. So be careful. Good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 7:52pm

thank you both for your responses. i agree, i need to wait and see, especially since i'm not sure what i want yet anyway. i will continue to talk to him and if it's meant to be it will be...and if not i'll have a friend in the end.

thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 10:53pm
I say go for it. My longest serious relationship started from the second time we got together. Sometimes timing is everything.