Dating a Friend's ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Dating a Friend's ex?
6
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:24pm
A good friend of mine dated this guy, Matt, and they've been broken up for over a year. They didn't date very long but she is still obsessed with him. I'd never met him, all that I had heard about him was what she had told me so I thought he was a jerk. Then, A few weeks ago I actually got to meet him for myself when she wasn't around. We have been talking everyday and have slept together. He calls me everyday the minute he gets off work for no reason but to talk to me. I'm worried because my friend is still obsessed with him, she even went to his mom's place of work last week and was asking about him. She buys books on astrology, thinking they will explain to her why they "are meant to be" and thinks that he is still secretly in love with her. He just wants her to stop calling and to drop it. I don't know how to handle this situation. I'm not in love with him, but I can't say that it'll never happen. She's been a good friend for a year or so now and I've known her longer. I'm just confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:33pm
I think you are going to have to choose between Matt and your friend. This lady is mentally wrapped up with him, you are going to devastate her when she finds out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 9:22pm
Dating the ex of a friend, especially one she has feelings for no matter how bizarre, is unforgivable! Sleeping with them should be punishable by death. If you don't think a friend has feelings for an ex and a respectable amount of time has passed (minimum 5 yrs) then you should approach your friend and ask her about it. If she says no, it's not alright, then it is NOT alright. This, however, does not apply in your case. You KNOW she has feelings for him. Are they unhealthy and obsessive? Yeah, sounds like it. But they are still feelings. I would suggest you focus your efforts on helping your friend seek some therapy and get her life back together instead of trying to justify what you know deep down inside is a totally crap thing to do to someone you say is your friend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 10:24am
Hey! I have a close group of girlfriends, and a few years back my one friend tried getting on the guy I really liked...she knew how I felt but she did it anyways...they didn't sleep together... but it was still the fact that she tried too...and for a long time I was so upset I wouldn't even talk to her... we all have a pact...friends first...which means no matter how attracted you are to a guy, if he had a thing with one of your friends, or they have liked him alot...then BACK OFF!! he is off limits...it is just about respecting your friends, because if the tables were turned would you appreciate that happening to you? I suppose you will do what you feel is right...but if it doesn't work out with the guy say, is your friend going to be there for you supporting you?? Boyfriends come and go but friends last forever...Just think about if it is worth possibly losing a good friend out of the deal!!
Good Luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 12:14pm
You may have thought about posting this before you slept with him......If I were your friend I'd be super ticked off.....and our friendship would be over, sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 1:21pm

Ok, what's done is done, no sense in bashing this to hell and back.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 1:51pm
What would you ultimately like the outcome to be? What's your best case scenario here?