dating a gambler

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
dating a gambler
1
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 12:33pm
so i dont know if any of you remember but i was dating this guy since july, going out only 1, maybe 2 times a week with him and felt like no progress was being made. the lack of progress to me was much due to the fact that he "went away" every weekend supposively to see his family in NY. Turns out he has a gambling problem and thats where is was spending most of his weekend time. i thought he talked a lot about gambling but gave him the benefit of the doubt (of course!). so went out with one of his friends this past weekend and pretty much just asked him straight out if my guy was marriend or what his deal was. low and behold he said he was at mohegan sun ( a casino) and told me he had a pretty serious problem. what kills me is that i didnt pick up on it earlier and it kills me that i started to fall for someone like this (again!). and why would someone with these troubles even try to date me and then make me feel bad about my self? anyone ever been in a similar situation? help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 3:20pm

Gambling is a difficult flag to find. This man created a pretty good excuse, he said he was with his immediate family and their business.

You don't have access to his bank account. And unlike drug addictions, alcohol addictions and food addictions, there is no physical signs of a gambling addiction other than a very light wallet. However, I am concerned that you said that you were fooled by this more than once, what happened in the past? And how did this man make you feel bad about yourself? only you can do that.

I remember having a discussion with you about this back in September, maybe. I think I had suggested you suggest going with him on one of those trips out of town to be with his "family". You were concerned that it would be too much too soon. But you were wondering what was going on even then.

Only you can look back and do a post mortem on what happened and how you might have seen the signs, although gambling is a hard problem to recognize. You haven't been dating this guy all that long so be happy you didn't marry him or get yourself more deeply involved.