Dating Games

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Dating Games
5
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:39am

Hi All,

I need some advice. One year after my 5 year relationship, I am attempting to date again. However, I think I may have messed it up.

I found an interest in my coworker J. He had asked for my number eariler, but never called me. It was killing me, and thus, I ended up calling him and asking him for coffee. It went....ooook. I think I was more concerned about making a good impression instead of being myself (we were both nervous and I think he was doing the same). Anyhow, I thought for sure he would never call me back, but low and behold...he called me back three days later. We talked, and this time, it was better. I was more myself, and so was he. We actually cracked witty jokes and laughed.

So since he had taken the initative to call me, I decided that it would be my turn to call him next. I did, and we started having a conversation, unfortunately it was cut short because someone was calling for his attention (his father who he takes care of). I ended the conversation with, "Why don't you call me later?" And he agreed.

Four days later, no phone calls. Now what do I do? Do I continue this vicious cycle of I called this time, now it's your turn? Or do I call him back and casually start a conversation as though I'm not pissed off that he didn't call me.

Or...do I take the hint that he's not interested and let it go instead of beating a dead horse?

As you can see, I'm not the greatest at dating etiquette. I truly appreciate everyone's advice. Thank you so much!

Nina

Edited 12/19/2004 11:40 am ET ET by angelanin




Edited 12/19/2004 11:42 am ET ET by angelanin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: angelanin
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 12:14pm

angelanin...

Just for the sake of argument, why not give the man one more chance....by sending him a snail-mail friendship card to his address. Pick out something funny (NOT MUSHY) and write a short note inside saying "I'm sorry if I missed your follow-up phone call and really hope to hear from you soon!"

Give him a week to respond. If he does GREAT...he not, set your sites on somebody else!

Best of luck,

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: angelanin
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 1:02pm

He knows how to reach you. If he's interested, he'll call.

In the meantime, though, I would assume that he's not, and get out and date other people. Have it be a pleasant surprise if he calls, rather than something you're sitting around waiting for!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: angelanin
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 1:13pm

I think you've done enough work. I wouldn't call him again. You showed him you were interested and he's being unresponsive. I tend to go back to a friends thing--would you want to be friends with someone who didn't show any interest in being friends back? I doubt it.

Let him go. It's his loss.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
In reply to: angelanin
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 12:49am

Hey! Thanks everyone for your response!

One part of me agrees with the ladies in which they suggested that I drop him because I can take the hint...man doesn't call=man not interested. Why beat a dead horse?

However, Pianoguy has a point. I never thought of emailing him, it never occured to me to even call the guy. But doesn't that sound a bit desperate?

What is your reasoning behind this move Pianoguy? If you were J, what would you think if I emailed you like that?

Seriously, I'm confused. Is he interested? Is he not? If not, why call me three days after our lunch date and then not call me anymore?

Thnks for your responses,

Nina

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: angelanin
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 9:05am

Nina...

Pianoguy's suggestion was to send a "SNAIL MAIL" card...not an e-mail. Here's why?

With an email...a man can automatically delete it from the computer. With a snail mail, most men will at least open up the envelope...read the card (and make sure it's a friendship card and nothing mushy) with your short note inside.

This way....there's a concrete message staring at the man. This DOESN'T mean he'll respond to it (by sending you a card, email or even making a phone call)...BUT...you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you made one last effort to keep the friendship alive. If he doesn't respond to your snail-mail card...then you know any interest (for you) isn't there!

And in a round-about way...isn't this is a form of closure?

Pianoguy