Dating a genius
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| Tue, 04-11-2006 - 7:51pm |
I just started dating a very intelligent man about three weeks ago. He is a physicist and never had to find a job. Essentially, they found him. In any case we get along great and have fun together, but I can't help but feel a bit insecure about not being on the same level as him. I consider myself to be of average intelligence. I have a graduate degree and come from an educated, cultured family but on some level I feel bad that I might never be able to contribute to his physics discussions or other discussions related to his work. I'm horrible at math.
I can sense that he likes me and enjoys hanging out with me but there's a part of me that keeps saying "what if he figures me out?" or maybe, I'll just never satisfy him on that level. I hate having this insecurity. Is this normal?
B

Hi brookita!
Pianoguy would like to ask you two questions:
"Has this man ever thrown his IQ in your face?" and "Has he ever called you STUPID?"
If the answer is "NO" on both questions....stop looking for problems and enjoy the man's company.
Men seek women out (irregardless of their IQ's) because they provide "the missing puzzle pieces!" These include providing a hug, the ability to understand and accept us when we're having a lousy day, to accept us when our health isn't 100% and especially...giving us UNCONDITIONAL LOVE---whether we think we need it or not!
Feel better now?
Pianoguy
Hi Brookita,
My father was a physicist and an awesomely intelligent man. And I never recall him ever trying to engage my mother in an in-depth conversation about his work, even though my mom is also quite smart and well-educated. If he did talk about a project it would come up almost accidentally... like he would start rhapsodizing about the "fun" of a particular equation (or something), but he didn't really care or expect any of us to understand what he was talking about!
I don't know what conversational habits your new friend has, but if he's like my dad was, he doesn't usually go into details about physics with laypeople. After dealing with that heavy stuff all day, your friend is probably more than glad to hang up his scholar hat and just be a guy when he's with you. On the other hand, the fact that you also are a post-grad probably played a part in his decision to date you... it means he can comfortably talk about his education and work, without worrying that he's too far "above" you.
What you've got to determine is whether you like this man or not. You get to choose him just like he chooses you. Is he interesting? Is he kind? Is he funny? Is he exciting, physically and intellectually? Are you two at ease when you're together, or are you struggling to find common ground? Does he talk over your head? Does he refer to himself as a GENIUS? THAT would be pretty hard for anyone to take.
But if you think you've got an otherwise wonderful guy and you're getting along well, then the hangup is YOURS. You've got to relax and always remember you've got your own accomplishments to be proud of and a value EQUAL to his or anybody's. Go ahead and talk about YOUR life and your interests. If he's worth your time, he will be interested in YOU and what you're sharing, but he'll also be eager to find things you can talk about comfortably together.
Good luck, and let us know how things are going.
I agree with what everyone else has already said, but I'd like to add from another perspective.