Dating a guy with a "girlfriend"
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| Thu, 06-10-2004 - 11:49am |
He has definitely been the pursuer in this relationship and we have spent a lot of time together in the few weeks I have known him. Apparently major kissing sessions and hanging out with his friends and also alone isn't making him feel guilty about 'cheating' on this girl, but the one time we slept together did.
He came over the other night to tell me that his girlfriend was coming to town for the weekend and he is really torn and feels really guilty about sleeping with me, but not regretful in the least. He likes her a lot, but also really likes me. He doesn't know what to do. I guess my question is to find out if anyone has any good plans of action I should take. And even though I don't really think I would ever have a real future with this guy, I hate losing, at anything. My feeling is that when she leaves again and they have decided to stay together (for whatever reason) I will still be here and she will not and he will want to see me and hang out...but I shouldn't do that since I am attracted to him a lot and might actually become quite attached. Any tips would be good...

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Guilty but not regretful?
He was feeling guilty because he has never cheated on a girlfriend, and I definitely believe that. And I honestly have problems with cheaters, I am big on fidelity. But because this girlfriend and he have only dated a couple of months and he has been hanging out with me and everything, then I have felt that he isn't very into this girl.
I think he feels like maybe he shouldn't have had sex with me while still dating this girl who he doesn't ever see since she lives like 6 hours away, but doesn't regret that we had sex. I am glad he has talked to me about it. I guess I don't want to lose the opportunity of spending time with someone I like and am attracted to. That's part of the problem, I am very attracted to him. I know, this all sounds very ridiculous and I just need to call him up and tell him to have a great time with the girlfriend this weekend and to not call me and that it was nice getting to know him. Much safer for me:)emotionally.
Ugh...
This could all be a moot point after he decides to stay with her, despite the fact he likes me a lot and I am here and available. I don't think dating someone for two months is really that stong of a bond, I wouldn't even start calling someone my boyfriend after that. I met his girlfriend the first night I met him, very weird body language. I could tell right away there wasn't much there, before I knew the story. He doesn't really see it as cheating I guess, because I think that she decided she wanted to be free to do what she wants. Whatever, I am either with someone or not. She's a lot younger than I am. I am 28, she's 21, and he's 25.
I guess I just dont share well....lol.
We have been together only four months....our bond is extremely strong however.
In any event, I would break things off and ask him to get in touch with you if and only if he breaks up with his gf...but I'd have big doubts about his integrity and character.
Sheri
***All cheaters say that, somehow it gets easier for them the more they get under their belt
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***hmmm but yet you keep dating him can’t be that big on it
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***That’s just your way of justifying that he is a cheater. Just because they haven’t been going out long doesn’t negate the fact he cheated
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*** No actually he doesn’t regret having sex with you, who cares how far away she lives, if he doesn’t want to be with her there is the phone, break it off…nice excuse he gave though…you seem to be falling for it so its obviously working
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***The same words are spoken by women who have affairs with married men….it’s an excuse to continue doing what your doing without taking responsibility for it. Make sure you recognize your part in all this.
My advice to you, IS recognize that if he cheats on you, you aren’t getting any big “prize” by winning him, you will have “won” a known cheater…I’d have to ask how trusting you would be with him when he’s out of your sight. I doubt very much.
Also, I hope you use condoms. I know so many people who have ended up with STDs, HIV or AIDs after saying "nothing will happen to me" or not even giving their sexual lifestyle much thought. You have sex not only with the person you're in bed with, but everyone else they have slept with and everyone else those people have slept with. There's no possible way you can know that they are all healthy. Be careful and don't trust your health (and life) to anyone else. Protect yourself.
i think you get a thrill over thinking that you'll "win" him.
and you think he's being honest with you?
i don't *think* so. he's getting laid.
If you're fine with it then that's your business and good luck. If not, then do something to change it so that when you look in the mirror you can see a person who feels really good about the choices she's making, instead of guilt, regret or doubt.
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