Dating a guy with a "girlfriend"

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Dating a guy with a "girlfriend"
12
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 11:49am
So I met this guy a month ago and instantly liked him, as he did of me. The night I met him I found out he had a girlfriend, a little shocked but went on with my life and didn't think about him again (as soon as I find out that soemone's got a girlfriend I become turned off right away). Well the next weekend we ran into each other and he said he had asked about me during the week and was very excited to see me and got my number so we could hang out. He told me his girlefriend had just graduated from college and moved to another state and they had only been dating about 2 months and that they had decided not to be compeltely together. So, I have taken that as being kind of a wasted relationship and obviously he wasn't taking it too seriously.

He has definitely been the pursuer in this relationship and we have spent a lot of time together in the few weeks I have known him. Apparently major kissing sessions and hanging out with his friends and also alone isn't making him feel guilty about 'cheating' on this girl, but the one time we slept together did.

He came over the other night to tell me that his girlfriend was coming to town for the weekend and he is really torn and feels really guilty about sleeping with me, but not regretful in the least. He likes her a lot, but also really likes me. He doesn't know what to do. I guess my question is to find out if anyone has any good plans of action I should take. And even though I don't really think I would ever have a real future with this guy, I hate losing, at anything. My feeling is that when she leaves again and they have decided to stay together (for whatever reason) I will still be here and she will not and he will want to see me and hang out...but I shouldn't do that since I am attracted to him a lot and might actually become quite attached. Any tips would be good...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 5:17pm
Why play second fiddle. Tell him since he is involved with someone else, you have to end things. Don't say "its her or me", or give him an ultimatum. Just tell him you need to do what is best for you. This will make him respect you. Tell him he is more than welcome to call you in six months if he is out of the relationship w/his girlfriend. Be firm and stick to your guns. Don't let him sweet talk you. Quit letting him have his cake and eat it too. Its not fair to either the other girl or you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 10:47am
You don't like to lose? You lost the minute you got involved in this. He was never yours to have in the first place. You are being used-how can you win like that? Even if you two end up together--you can never fully trust him--if he'll cheat on her (no matter how bad the relationship, etc.) he will cheat on you. Run--get away from him as fast as you can.

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