dating a guy from work...

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Registered: 04-04-2003
dating a guy from work...
10
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:57pm
So I had a huge crush on this beautiful guy at work - so much so that i would get soooo nervous around him! Well 3 weeks after we ment, and after some flirting and emailing, he asked me out - on a monday morning for that coming friday night. I was totally not expecting it! So the date turns out to be a huge get together with his entire family (parents too) and a friend from out of town who is in a band. We talked for the hour and 1/2 drive to the place, non-stop, we have a lot in common. He introduced me to everyone, and his mother said "Oh, this is the girl you work with!" So hes mentioned me to his mom? The whole night was a blast. Hes a really really good looking guy and at some point a girl at the club zoned in on him and I had to pull him away from her a couple times. He was drinking and I'm sure enjoying the attention. He didnt mind when I'd lead him off, and I wanted her to know that he was with me. Other than that we laughed all night, partied with all his friends, I got along great with everyone and he and I were really comfortable together. We wound up sleeping at his brothers house, in the same bed, but nothing happened except a little cuddling. We woke up laughing together. So now, I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm not sure how to act. We work in different buildings so somedays I dont even see him. I really like him so I'm wondering if I should not email him for a few days, or wait for him to contact me. When he dropped me off, he said See ya monday. No kiss or anything - i think we both know that working toegther it could get weird so we're in no hurry. I really want to be friends with him regardless of anything - but there is definitely an attraction between us (hes incredibly hot!) He also works at a club once a week and he invited me to that - i feel like i shouldnt go just yet, maybe wait a couple weeks? Any advice on dating at work would be greatly appreciated!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 7:11am
I think you moved way too fast and acted silly when the other woman came on to him - why pull him away from someone - he's not your boyfriend and it takes two - why not just let him not respond to her flirting or let him flirt a little secure in the knowledge that he is with you. Why did you go home with him if you say you want to take things slow? I think you are reading far too much into his actions - I mention people I work with to my mother all the time and it means nothing - sure here it could mean something but if your date consisted of him getting drunk at a club and taking you home I'm not so sure he sees you as the type of person he wants to court and get to know slowly - be careful about the mixed messages your'e sending.

Finally, make sure that going forward you're comfortable with him going out to clubs without you and getting drunk and having women flirt with him. I am past that stage where I would date someone who did that regularly - clubbing and/or drinking - but if you're not, then you have to put up with it and put a stop to your possessive behavior, now.

I would take things slow and if he asks you out again make it a public place, no alcohol and get to know him as a person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:50pm
WOW, I am in pretty much the exact same situation as you are in.

I'm totally into this guy from work (we've been out a couple times, I stayed at his place about a week ago..etc.), but get extremely nervous every time I come into contact with him. He is also VERY good-looking and I never know quite what to say to him or I should even stop by his desk and say hello.

Your story sounded so similar to mine!

Well, the thing is with mine, I am purposely not going to call him until he contacts me.

I've showed that I'm interested and he has not contacted me since the last time we went out. Its very frustrating cause I thought we had a great time together and got along really well...However, the way I look at it, is if he's interested he would call or email. And he hasn't yet. I'm not gonna throw myself at him...especially since we work together and it does tend to get awkward, trust me. Even after our last time together where there was no awkwardness whatsoever....when I saw him at work after that, you would never have known that we had hung out, spent time together.

I guess I'm not really sure what my advice is, but to be cautious with situations like these. Especially if all you've done is hang out with and drinking was involved. Work/dating situatins are tricky I guess...I'm not even sure what I'm going to do about mine except just to wait it out and see if he ever calls again. If he doesn't, no big deal. At least I know I made the first move by contacting him...what did I have to lose? Nothing. There's really nothing you CAN do, except wait it out- you don't want to sound desperate.....

Hope that helps some...trust me though, I can totally relate!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 2:20pm

I think you should keep emailing him in the casual way that you have been, if you usually email each other everyday, than do that! Or if it's every couple of days, wait a few and then email.

*~Rachel~*
Avatar for mountainmoon
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Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:10pm
Ah so I'm not the only one! In response to the first person - i went home with him becuase that was the plan. We were an hour and half from home, I rode up with him, and when he invited me on Monday he told me we'd have to crash at his brothers. SO its not like I went home with him to have sex with him - at all! The night wasnt even like that - we were just having fun and getting to know each other. As far as sharing a bed - it felt comfortable, no expectations from either of us. It was very cool.

He emailed me first thing this morning to say hi,we joked around some about the weekend, and things are just fine. I didnt see him all day, and after a while we both got busy and that was that. Things are definitely not moving too fast - i think we both know now that we are able to relate to each other in a workplace full of people who may not relate in the same way. I feel like we're friends - nothing more. If something more happens down the road - great! If not - great! I've got a cool friend.

As far as him with other girls - well yeah, of course hes gonna flirt, and vice versa. But after some sober thinking about it - he invited me to this family thing after knowing me for almost a month, and working with me - because he likes me as a person - i'm not just some girl in a bar who wants a piece. We talk about things ranging from architecture in spain to web design and using Flash to music to whats the best beer, we solve problems together at work, and help each other out.

So i disagree with a lot of what the first person who responded said - but I'm glad you can relate mek213!

Cheers!

Avatar for mountainmoon
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:12pm
Right on rachel - thats just how things are going! he emailed me first this morning to tell me good work on something i was doing, and to comment on the weekend - we joked back and forth for a while and all is good!!

Cheers!

Avatar for mountainmoon
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 8:46pm
deena your message cracks me up!! we are obviously verrrrrry different - me and this guy - we are the crazy ones, the ones drinking whiskey at 5am while cracking jokes and laughing, we're the ones with the tattoos who have corporate jobs but are not corporate types. Fun must be had and we are the people to have it. we both have serious jobs and work our tails off, hes in a managerial position and is respected at our hospital. we work hard and we play hard. nothing wrong with that! As for your recommended date, talking, no drinks - yeah right! thats not my style and i seriously doubt its his. After work, I want a beer.

Thanks for your advice though!

Cheers!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 9:25pm
Good work! :) I'm happy for you!!
*~Rachel~*
*~Rachel~*
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 11:35pm
I think that Deena gave you some great advice. If you choose not to follow it, that's your choice, but I think that particularly dating someone in the workplace you would be wise to act a bit more conservatively, especially in the beginning. Consider your career and how you will be perceived in the workplace.

But hey, you probably think my advice is silly too. ;)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 7:33am
I think you're lying to yourself - of course you care whether it's more than a friendship and I think it was very foolish of you to share a bed with someone in that circumstance - you're making all sorts of excuses - why didn't you either not go if you couldn't get home or stay at someone else's house or in a hotel? Sounds suspect to me. My suggestion remains that the next date, let him take you out and treat you like a lady - in public, no alcohol, no sleeping in the same bed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 4:53pm
Hi Mountain Moon:

I couldn't help but respond to your post. I, too, have had my eye on a guy @ work for a few months & I think he likes me, too. Unfortunately, we haven't gone out, but I'm interested in inviting him to have lunch with me one day & hopefully become friends first. Another thing is that he works in a different building (I work in Building "A" he works in Building "B") so I only get to see him once or twice a week if that. Whenever I see him, I get nervous, let alone shy & I chicken out. Plus there's usually people around & I don't want to ask him in front of people, it's really no of their business. I had thought about e-mailing him, but I think it's best to do it face-to-face (I don't know, I don't want to turn him off). I'm hoping to catch him alone real soon & just work up the nerve to invite him to have lunch with me. Hopefully, it'll be soon.

Good Luck to you!

Ladybug_68