dating harder for attractive women?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
dating harder for attractive women?!
8
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 6:56pm
has anyone else noticed this?

because ive had insecurities within me the last few years, so i hadn't noticed before, i thought their lack of pursuing at times was me...(but recently resolved them so ive noticed a different side)... i have noticed that guys are intimidated by me at times. or they think i am not interested when all i do is just let them lead. maybe its too much aloofness or what not?

it has been with 90% of the guys ive dated in the last year or so.

its so hard though because i want to be able to let the guy lead and balance it with me showing i do not play games, and that i like him. but then i fear it'll scare them away so I hold back alot.

Does anyone else face this challenge????


Edited 7/2/2004 6:58 pm ET ET by surfergirl77

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 8:59pm
I can't tell you how many times men (after we ended up together) have told me the exact same thing--I am intimidating to approach--and yes, that they think I'm not interested or they don't have a chance. To be honest though, I really don't know the solution to this problem. Though it can be hard--try to take the lead at first--so that the guy knows you are definetly interested. I know..I know...I like the man to make the moves also--but sometimes if they think you are too pretty, itimidating, etc. then even if they like you alot--sometimes they will never let it be known for fear of rejection. Give it a try and see what happens--you may be pleasantly surprised to see the power it brings you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 12:25pm
I am an attractive woman. I have never had a hard time dating. The man I am with now I met at work. He approached me almost immediately and he asked for my # after we talked. I get approached at the gas station by men. I am very pretty but I am not beautiful. Sometimes a person can be intimidating because somehow they seem that way from the attitudes they seem to project. My dad is a good looking man for an old guy but there is just something about him that is very intimidating. Sometimes people get a wrong first impression of you. I am sometimes quiet around people I don't know very well and they get the impression that perhaps I am rude or snobby. Which they tell me later after they get to know me better. I think it has to do more with first impressions rather than a person's looks. I do notice that after over a year, I can still make my SO nervous (which is a good thing).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 4:02pm
Nah, I don't think it matters. (Click onmy nic and take a look at the "My Testimony" on my site, and you'll see what I mean). Guys are just cruel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 5:55pm
You are right kids are cruel...you are a survivor!!! Great website.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 6:00pm
I doubt its because you are so beautiful. Many women have trouble finding the right guy, I certainly don't believe for one minute if you are hot than you are sitting home crocheting while all the homely women are whooping it up.

One thing is for sure, its definitely about attitude, my friend, whose average sits at bars like her poo don't stink and she expects men to fawn all over her. I too am average (darn cute if I do say so myself *wink*) but I talk to whomever, even if he's not my type, I will still talk to someone at the bar if he asks for my number I just decline, she won't even glance at someone she doesn't find attractive, and I'm friendly to everyone, this is my theory...that dork that comes up and says hi to me, if I am rude and shoot him down or act as though I am better than he is, the cute shy guy at the end of the bar, definitely won't come up and talk to me if I just degraded someone in public.

Nope, I laugh, smile and talk to anyone...I'm not seeing anyone but when I go out, I get approached a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 12:32am
thanks gals and guys, it helped me to see opinions from everyone.

i think it has alot ot do with vibes. but also, i know im friendly and open in the public social scene. i think its getting past the first few dates, where im seeing im having to make more of an effort than any of my friends had to do. maybe they just don't like me? eh? hehe. Im sure that was the case with some of the guys, but I know with alot of them, Ive had to go further in the leading than my gal buddies in dating.

we'll see, it'll happen regardless of what i do when i meet the right person. but int he meantime, dating for myself has been fustrating for the last 2.5 years... ive dated pretty much everyt ype of guy... coming to the end of the fishie pool! :)

thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 8:48am
This is an interesting question. I am considered highly attractive by most

of the men I know. They tell me all the time. I am also very friendly, although I

am quiet when I first meet someone. At this point I do not have a problem getting

attention from men. Unfortunately the attention I am getting is from guys who find

me attractive but do not want to actually date me. I had one tell me that to my face

last week. He did not have a reason he just said "I find you attractive and I would like

to have sex with you, but I don't want a relationship with you."

It was hurtful. The worst part is that I don't know why.

So yes, being attractive has is pluses (people notice) but it sure as heck doesn't

make finding "Mr Right" any easier.




Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 12:58pm
Exactly. fustrating as heck. alot cant see past the outer stuff and assume we have nothing else to offer other than looks. Its kind of annoying .... hoenstly i dont protray myself as this dumb girl either. they know ive got a good job, finished college with a good degree, etc. ... not complaining though - we're all dealt what we ve got, and how we play the cards we're dealt is what counts. but lemme tell you, i dont know what it is. just unlucky i guess.