Dating, how to . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Dating, how to . .
3
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 2:28pm

I have been in two relationships, but I've never actually. . .dated. I met the guy we hit it off and it went from there.

I've expressed interest in dating a close friend. He told me that he just met another young lady and now there is "competition" I don't really know how to compete for lack of a better word. I talk to him almost everyday as it is, we haven't seen each other in a few weeks but for no reason in particular.

He'd taken to calling me a few times a week at work even before I said something about dating (which was yesterday).

It seems to me technically I've already won, but I'm not sure how to go forward with this other girl in the picture.

We've been close for years and had a crush on me in the past, but I was in a relationship then and didn't find all this out (I had an inkling) until a few months ago.

I'm just confused, any thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 3:26pm

hmm i dont know...for me (just b/c i have trust issues w/ guys...and MAJOR competitive issues as well) i wouldnt do well w/ him telling me there's another girl and what i get from that is that hes saying sort of like 'what can you do or show me that your better than her, that i should choose you over her' know what i mean?

that just wouldnt sit well with me. i'd rather NOT know, but still be thinking in the back of my mind, since we're not *exclusive* there *must* be other women.

i would be mindful of the fact that there may be other women in the picture. and to sit on the other side of the fence for a moment, how do you know he wont be talking to other girls once you're together? have you guys actually gone out on a date? if you havent had a real "date" yet, then i wouldn't say to him 'hey so how bout we do dinner friday night' or something. i think it's he's call, he should actually ask you out..especially if you haven't had a 'date' yet.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 3:35pm

I see your point, I have no reason to think he won't be honest about him seeing other people and I do plan on going on an actual date (it's about the only thing we haven't done). I only used "compete" for a lack of a better word.

I'm definately going to see him in a week and In the meantime I guess I'll ask him exactly what he means by that and maybe just follow his lead for now.

I'd appreciate any other thoughts. I've just never dated man who was dating other people too. and being his friend and his date, boy is it going to be hard to be objective about the other girl! Not that I have to, I suppose

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 3:41pm
yeah i hear what your saying.
i understand it can be difficult to start dating someone with whom you been friends with.
i have no "advice" for you (granted i'm practicing the 'no advice' rule)
try to keep open minded bout the date i suppose, and be aware that even though you have been talking to him and a date is in the near future, that since your not "exclusively" dating each other that there may be other people in the picture