Dating if he lives with someone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2002
Dating if he lives with someone?
10
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 3:05pm
I need some opinions on how people feel about dating a man that lives with someone. Is this regarded the same as dating a married man, or if you're dating around, is this man still considered datable because he's still single? I'd like to hear some views on this....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 3:46pm
If he's living with someone who he's romantically involved with, I would consider that the same as being committed unless he is a complete leech and is just using the person he is living with. Either way, he sounds a bit more intertwined than someone who is free and casually dating.

Curious--what are the exact "circumstances" as to why he's living with someone?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 5:48pm
Living with someone he is romantically involved with = off limits, in my view. Not the same as married, but still off limits and unless they have an "arrangement" he is still cheating. And even if they have an "arrangement" - not my thing, for many reasons. Morality (which is a HUGE issue for me) aside, it just wouldn't make any sense for me b/c I am looking for a serious and committed relationship, and someone who just wants a little action on the side isn't in a position to get into such a relationship.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2002
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 6:53pm
I'm not sure of the circumstances or that he actually lives with someone. I don't care if he's dating someone, because I date other people too. I think its OK if we are both seeing other people, I'm just not sure how it will work if he does live with someone, or if I'll still want to see him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2002
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 7:03pm
Morality is a big thing for me too, and I would never date a married man. What if I'm not looking for anything serious and committed at the moment? I am casually seeing someone else. I have no plans to ruin this guys homelife if he is living with someone, I'm trying to decide if I should still see him if this is the case.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 11:21pm
Well, before doing anything I would clarify his living/relationship situation. If he is in a committed and exclusive relationship (which most people who live together are), then I would stay out of it whatever my OWN relationship goals were, b/c I just think it's totally wrong to get in the middle of someone else's relationship. I made this decision for myself a long time ago (college, had this great guy hit on me and we hung out one night - during which one of his roomies mentioned his GIRLFRIEND - I gave him a piece of my mind and left, and never looked back). It is of course up to you how you want to live your life, but I can't see any good coming out of helping someone cheat on his girlfriend.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 9:50am
Exactly and does the person he "lives" with (is this a roommate or romantic partner) know about you. If its hidden, than he is cheating not dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:19am
I believe that "dating" a man who lives with someone is cheating... if the girlfriend doesn't know. If you want a casual, no-strings relationship, why not choose someone who is totally unattached? That way, no one has to be dishonest or get hurt.







iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2002
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 12:10am
Yes....I agree...I still haven't found out for sure, but once I confirm if he lives with someone or not, I can't go through with seeing him. I've always said that if a man is not married, then he's fair game....but I wasn't sure where living together comes into play.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2002
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 12:22am
I'm not really sure yet what the status is.....He told me he's become involved with someone a few months ago, and now its gotten more serious, but he's keeping his options open because anything can happen, and since meeting me, about eight weeks ago, he wants to get to know me better....I was distracted by the noise around us while we were talking, and I didn't want to appear like I wasn't listening, so I didn't hear if he mentioned anything about living with someone....I'm going to bring up the conversation again, and get a direct answer before going any further......
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 8:55am

The last I heard, living with someone was a commitment. He may consider himself datable but if you do, you're not only being unfair to the woman in his life (though she's gonna hopefully learn eventually just what kind of "winner" she's given her love and trust to), but you're opening the door to his someday cheating on his next live-in love - you!


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