dating labels?
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| Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:56am |
so, i just have a question for you all, just curious as to how you define or have defined your relationships in the past, in terms of "dating", "seeing each other", "girlfriend/boyfriend", etc.
I started dating this guy almost 3 months ago. It has been a slow development, we never discussed it but i think we both are happy to take things slowly and get to know each other. Anyway, last night we went for a drink with one of his friends. She looked at us and said, so are you guys dating? I looked at him and he responded to her saying, "yea, we're seeing each other." I suppose I agree and find this statement to be more true as we aren't usually "out" on dates, but spending lots of time together. But, I was wondering is that statement the equivalent of "dating", or is it more serious/less serious. what do you think? how have you all defined relationships in the early stages? and, does there need to be a talk to develop into "girlfriend" status?

Well, to ME, "seeing each other" is more serious than just "dating", but I bet if you asked a dozen different people, you'd get a dozen different answers!
thank you for your response. i think you are correct in my case that "seeing each other" is more serious than just "dating", but it can be different for everyone. We haven't talked about exclusiveness or what we want from a relationship so I guess that's where the confusion lies a bit. We are spending nights at one anothers place, but no sex yet. i want to wait until i know him better and how where the relationship is going. he's a guy and i know would love to have sex with me, but hasn't questioned me about it at all yet. i know assuming is horrible, but i'm sure he isn't dating anyone else. i don't think he is the type to casually date, but at the same time i am leaving (moving 4 hours away) for grad school in 4-5 months from now. he knows this but i can't tell how he feels about it. it's such a new relationship i don't want t o say anything that freaks him out, but i can't tell if he sees me as having potential for his future...ie. continuing the relationship long distance when i move. how can i bring these issues up? or is it too early to be talking so serious?
thanks again and again
I would have wanted to know upfront whether
The exception was a guy who was 22, I was 23 and he raised the issue after about 6 months of dating.
we just never had a specific talk about it. i don't feel the need to talk about that with him cause it is defined as such. he has refered to me as his girlfriend and himself as my boyfriend once or twice, but we haven't quite defined that yet. (i haven't refered to him this way yet.) i think he would like to have this definition but i don't quite feel that status yet...maybe in the next few weeks. we spent all weekend together so i think that time has helped.
from a female perspective i feel that once you define yourself as boyfriend/girlfriend the intent is to develop a LTR...keep progressing to a serious point until either it works or sometimes it doesn't. i guess most of the confusion is my moving away soon....but that is still a longer time away that the amount of time we've been together. so i'm playing it day by day and getting more comfortable with him and eventually i'm sure we'll talk about "us". lol. i know i will need to talk to him and find out what he wants ultimately, but i think it is still a little too early. i don't know what i want so i can't expect him to either.
thanks for all the wonderful responses. they are very helpful.
NEVER ASSUME EXCLUSIVITY!
I can't emphasize that enough.
Sheri
Remember that exclusivity is a decision not an assumption. You're setting yourself up for disappointment if you settle for an assumption.