dating lies

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
dating lies
5
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 11:04pm
My boyfriend lied about his age a lot, have secrets, mentions ex name while making love and says he did not mean it, has unpredictable mood swings, unpredictable emotions.

We are both falling in love with each other but somehow we are also both confused. This is a long distance relationship and I know it's not easy. I suspect menopausal stage is part of his problem.

Am I foolish or in love or insane? I miss him. The distance is hard and we need better ways to communicate. We don't even have date nite. My gut tells me something is questionnable but I find myself forgiving him for everything. I don't want to make a mistake. Afterall, it's my future. Can someone please knock my head open and show me the way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
In reply to: andesm
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 11:39pm
You said it yourself: He is a liar and unstable. Whatever his problem is, is his, no matter what you suspect it to be.

You said you don't want to make a mistake. The current situation you have right now isn't?!?!?

Who am I to say why you are with him? You have to ask yourself WHY you accept and tolerate his behavior, even in the midst of your doubts.

You get what you choose to have for yourself. No one here can show you the way except to give an opinion, like mine, to say that this is not a healthy or positive relationship. How much you are willing to sacrifice of yourself, your body, your sanity, your time, your emotions is a choice you have to make. Is what you have now the kind of future you want to live?

You say you miss him which is natural, I suppose, but at what cost?

Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: andesm
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 7:50am
Read your own words...you have outlined the red flags yourself...obviously you are an intelligent person. You didnt need anyone to point them out to you. So WHY would you even consider continuing????

My boyfriend lied about his age a lot

have secrets

mentions ex name while making love and says he did not mean it,

has unpredictable mood swings,

unpredictable emotions

My gut tells me something is questionnable

I find myself forgiving him for everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: andesm
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 10:56am
carmel, I couldn't have said it better myself!! Well, maybe I could have said the same thing but you beat me to it!! :-)

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: andesm
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 11:00am
Wait!! You are falling in love with each other? But, who are you actually falling in love with... the man he says he is, the one you thought he was or the one he really is?

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: andesm
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:58am
ugh, i just have to admit i have fibbed about my age, i have accidentally called my new man by my late husbands name (i was married 20 years and his name is habit), i do sometimes have mood swings (i am menopausal LOL)...and yet i feel that i am an emotionally stable woman who is sincere in my growing feelings for my new man and i have his best interest at heart and have no intentions to dishonor or betray him....i DO agree this poster should trust her gut intuition...i'm just wanting to point out that *some* of her complaints could be milder than it sounds.

honey