Dating a man with kids...help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Dating a man with kids...help!
11
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 12:59am
I've been seeing this guy for about 2 1/2 months now...seeing a lot of him actually. Not exactly sure where things are going yet, but so far so good.

So what's the problem? He recently left a marriage, and they had 3 kids together. I've never dated anyone with kids before, so I'm just a little unsure how to proceed. He asked me to go out with him and two of the kids tomorrow and I do want to meet them...said yes...but now I'm feeling a little agony about it! We had discussed previously that I would not be meeting the kids for a long time, and not unless we were sure about this. So I guess that means he's feeling pretty sure, which is great, but I'm just feeling like I'm this is a big giant test that I didn't get a chance to study for! I'm really nervous about this.

Any advice for me???

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 06-07-2004 - 10:11pm
His baggage is pretty much equivalent to mine, with the exception of the kids. We were both in our previous relationships for 7-8 years, and they both ended about a year ago...his a little more, mine a little less. We'd both dated casually since the breakups, but this is the first time for each of us to try getting serious with anyone.

We do communicate...a lot. We talk *at least* an hour every single day, and we've tackled a lot of deep topics, considering our short tenure. What we discussed before was that I wouldn't meet the kids until we felt sure about it. He realized he felt sure about it, and asked me. I think I wasn't so sure, and that's why I was panicking before the excursion. However...I'm thrilled to report that it went absolutely perfectly...despite a torrential downpour!

The meeting was yesterday, and we had an absolutely wonderful time. Everyone included. Dad kept trying to hold my hand, and I wouldn't let him, as I didn't feel it was appropriate in front of them. Basically, they are wonderful kids and they seemed to think I was pretty cool too. The little boy talked about me and my dog the whole ride home after dropping me off, I was told. And the little girl asked me to carry her at one point, which shocked the heck out of Dad...apparently normally she's very shy with new people.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I took heed, and made sure to keep some distance and not jump in as I would with a friend's kids, or my niece & nephew. I helped out when needed, but mostly it was his day with them, and I was just along to enjoy the day too.

I am really happy, and have a very good feeling about this...hope I don't have to post about any more panic attacks anytime soon!

Kristen

Pages