DATING A MARRIED MAN!!BUT CANT STOP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
DATING A MARRIED MAN!!BUT CANT STOP!!
6
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 10:58pm

OK, I KNOW WHAT YALL THINKNING BUT ITS NOT LIKE THAT! HE'S MY BESTFRIEND BROTHER AND HE HANGOUT WHERE I HANGOUT AT.I USE TO SEE THIS GUY WAY BEFORE HE GOT MARRIED BUT I STOP TALKING TO HIM. I HAVENT TALK TO HIM IN OVER A YEAR,SO WHEN I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL HE WANTED TO TALK BACK TO ME BUT I DIDNT GIVING HIM THE TIME OR DAY. SO ANYWAY I FINALLY GAVE HIM MY # AND HE WOULD CALL AN CALL BUT I WOULD NEVER GO OUT WITH HIM BECAUSE I WASNT INTERESTED IN HIM AND I STILL KNEW HE WAS MARRIED. UNTIL ONEDAY I FINALLY WENT OUT WITH HIM. IT WAS COOL AT THE BEGINNING AND THAT WAS 3MONTHS AGO AND NOW IT'S LIKE I WANT TO GET OUT THE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I'M UNHAPPPY. OH I FORGOT TO MENTION HE HAS 3 KIDS 1 BY HIS WIFE AND ANOTHER ONE BEFORE HIS WIFE AND THE OTHER BY A GIRL HE CHEATED ON WHILE HE WAS MARRIED. HE'S CONTENT WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT I'M NOT. I DONT KNOW IF HE STILL SEEING HIS BABYMOTHER WHO ALSO LIVE WHERE I BE. I'M KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT IM GOING TO STOP CALLING HIM AND I DID ONE TIME BUT HE CALLED AND WE TALK AND I STILL SEE HIM.THIS IS NOT ALL BUT I DONT WANT TO TAKE TO MUCH OF YOUR TIME.WHEN I DONT CALL HIM I THINK ABOUT HIM AND WHAT HE DOING WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND WHEN WE ARE TALKING IM STILL THINKING ABOUT THE SAME STUFF. SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?? PLEASE HELP ME
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 11:45pm

Understand that there is no such thing as "can't," there is only "won't." There is only one person who can stop you--YOU. If you are not happy, then you must take baby steps to get yourself out of this. Stop answering his calls. Stop contacting him, whatever it is.


If you are finding this hard to do, then I would say the next step is seeking professional help so you can learn why you are remaining in a relationship that is not good for you and that is not making you happy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 8:35am
I think you should call the phone company and get his number blocked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:09am

You know what you should do and you won't do it. It's not that you can't stop it's that you don't want to stop seeing him or you would. He's not a very nice man, he's married, has a child with a previous woman, his wife and another woman he's cheated on his wife with. He's not discriminatory where he puts his penis nor is he very viligant about taking precautions like wrapping it up to prevent pregnancies or STD's. That alone would keep me away from him.

My only advice is to get yourself out of this drama that you've plopped yourself in. He's married, with 3 kids by 3 different women. Sounds like a loser to me. Nothing special. End contact, change your number if you have too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 3:49pm
THANK U ALL FOR YALL REPLY, I AGREE WITH IT ALL!!! BUT JUST LIKE ONE OF THE REPLY SAID I MUST HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM ABOUT MYSELF AND I REALLY DO. I SO USE TO SETTLEING FOR LESS WHEN IT COMES TO MEN AND I ALSO LOOK FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES. HE TOLD ME HE LOVE ME BUT DO HE REALLY!!!! I KNOW ABOUT HER BUT SHE DONT KNOW ABOUT ME. ITS LIKE I COULDNT SLEEP LAST NIGHT CAUSE WHEN I DO I WOULD DREAM ABOUT HIS FAMILY AND HIS OTHER CHILD MOTHER AND I WOUNDER IS THAT A SIGN OF SOMETHING.. WHEN WE ARE ON SPEAKING TERMS I THINK ABOUT HIS FAMILY AND WHAT HES DOING WHEN HES NOT WITH ME AND WHEN WE NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS I STILL THINK ABOUT THE SAME STUFF. AND I BEEN SEEING HIM FOR 4MONTHS NOW.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:06pm
Of course he doesn't love you...he hardly knows you at four months. The chances of him leaving his wife for you, marrying you and you guys NOT getting divorced are extremely SLIM. GEt yourself some books and spy on the betrayed spouses board where you see exactly what you are doing to his wife and children...and see the other side of him (when he's making nice to you, he's ignoring his primary relationship, his kids, etc.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 9:32pm

Get out of this relationship as soon as possible. If you don't have the strength or self-control to cut him off, get help from friends or family to keep you away from him. I also agree about getting professional help. There's no shame in getting help, and it can help you to understand why you've entered such a toxic situation and hopefully will keep you out of future ones.

I agree, this has much to do with your own self-esteem. You seem to have the sense to realize that this is a bad situation so that's a great first step. Now you just need to muster the strength to pull yourself out of it and make sure not to fall into this kind of pattern again. It will probably be harder to do the right thing for yourself, but have faith. You'll be happier with yourself in the long run.