dating but never a date
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| Sun, 08-28-2005 - 7:41pm |
Hi everyone:
Thanks to everyone for your advice...now I have another question.
As you know, I have been casually dating someone for a little while now. I made it quite clear to him that I am not looking for a relationship as I am still recovering from a break up. He said that is fine but we still kept on seeing each other a few times a week.
Everything has been great, I enjoy his company and he treats me very well. However, we have not had a proper date yet. When I see him, it is always in the evening, after work or saturday evening for drinking, going out. I would like to spend time with him when it is NOT a situation when we are both had a few beers. Is he not interested in a day time date because I told him I am not interested in a relationship or what gives???

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I may be completely off here... but is it possible that you haven't gone on a real date because you keep hesitating, sending him mixed signals? If he's telling you he wants you to be his girlfriend, then I don't understand... Have you discussed this with him? Have you told him you'd like to go out?
Sometimes the only thing to do is be straight-forward as possible...
Hope this helps. Keep us posted!
I'm new at the real, formal dating scene. I'm in my 30s and am just learning how to do this. However, I've been in several LTRs. My past pattern of "dating", which really can't be called dating, had a lot to do with going out to the bars with guys I liked/they liked me and just kind of having that friend/bf boundary blurr. In retrospect I can see how I made it easy for my bfs because I sort of saved them from all the dating, which takes effort and resources and usually doesn't end in going home together -- at least at the beginning ;-) Although in the end I think we all benefit from dating, men and women.
I don't know if this has anything to do with your situation, just sort of reminded me of my own situations. My bfs back then wanted to continue the relationship for quite a time, part because we really got along and I suspect part from the physical element to it. I wonder what would have happened if I asked them to back up and date me formally (like get dressed up and go out for a nice dinner and a movie). I think they would've shyed away from that.
You're definately worth the effort of a nice date. But I think it's sort of hard to go back to the dating stage once there is more of a serious and physical relationship. that's just my opinion...maybe other people have had different experiences!
He isn't interested in a real date because you aren't interested in a real relationship.
You can't expect a man to invest time, money and effort into a situation where the lady has already decided against a serious committed relationship. Change your attitude towards this guy and he may change his. Guys aren't made of money.
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Yes. This is exactly what it is. He doesn't want to invest his emotions and too much time if you aren't interested in being his gf. He's already invested money (even though it may not be your idea of a date). When he watches baseball with a friend and doesn't pay too much attention to you, he's pulling back emotionally, because he doesn't want to get hurt.
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