Dating a Newly Divorcee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2004
Dating a Newly Divorcee
2
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 7:12pm
Help me out here mature crowd. I am new to this one. I have never dated a guy that has been married b/f. I am currently dating a guy that has been divorced for 1 year now. We have been dating for about 6 months and he has expressed that he really cares about me and wants to take things to another level (move in together). Now, I know that, well I have heard that people go through many stages after divorces (loneliness, which can lead to making decisions under impulse of fear of being alone forever, etc). I am not sure if he is just going throught the motions of "divorce", or if I should really take his feelings seriously. He has made it very clear that his head is clear and he has thought this through.........any suggestions/advice?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 7:53pm
I'd strongly recommend NOT to move in together. He's newly divorced and only been "out there" for 1 year, plus you've been dating for 6 months only. Unless you want to be in a long term relationship you can move in and see if you like living with him and sharing a relationship. However, if you want to date exclusively and get married to him why not move in when you're engaged and have a date to marry? Given his divorced status he might want to "take his time" to see if he wants to marry you, and that can take years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 7:56pm
What you've heard about the stages of divorce is true in the majority of cases. I'm sure he's sincere in his belief that he's over his marriage and ready to go to the next level with you. There's even a possibility that he actually is ready, but the odds are not very good. Six months is too short a time to be sure, and it's usually too short a time even when there hasn't been a divorce. During the first year, you're still in the process of getting to know each other for who you really are. The first 3-4 months don't even count because that's the infatuation period when people tend to overlook potential problems or incompatibility in important areas because they "feel" so good. Infatuation is almost like a drug that renders us temporarily unable to reason properly. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's not the time to make serious decisions. I think you should wait at least another six months before you consider living together.