Dating recently divorced man

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Dating recently divorced man
2
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 3:39pm
Can you please give some advice on dating a recently divorced man? We have been dating for 9 months and we have hit some speed bumps relating to issues that he needs to deal with from his previous relationship. How would I find a reputable divorce psychologist in the Chicago area?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 3:54pm
If he is having problems related to his divorce that are affecting your relationship, it might be too soon for him to be in a relationship at all. You said it, HE needs to deal with issues from his previous relationship. None of us can give advice on how to date a man in this situation, other than to let him go deal with his issues.

I am in the process of getting divorced myself. I am in therapy and dealing with my own issues, but I can tell you for sure that if my "issues" consistently cropped up when I was spending time with my boyfriend, our relationship would either end, or it would continue but be an unhealthy relationship. Certainly we talk about events or situations, but I don't leave it up to my boyfriend to help me sort through my emotional baggage. For example, this week me, my STBX and our attorneys hashed out the issues surrounding child support and finalized the property settlement. I made one comment to my boyfriend that I was arguing with attorneys and my STBX over my income amount, because they kept calling and interupting our conversation (we were on the phone). It might come up in conversation tonight, but it doesn't have to, and additionally, it is resolved and it will be just like talking about any other thing that happened to one of us this week.

I am not sure there are "divorce" psychologists. There are marriage and relationship psychologists. I am not sure how to find a reputable one except for asking around. I found my therapist on my insurance company's website. Sometimes you have to see a few different psychologists to find one that fits and you can work with. But really, this is also his issue and he should be the one finding the psychologist.


Edited 3/6/2004 4:06 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 4:19pm
If possible I think you should wait until his divorce is final for at least a year before resuming a relationship with him - let him find a therapist if he wants to and don't interfere with what goes on in the sessions. I am sure he is capable of finding his own therapist - if he doesn't feel he needs one that gives you information too.