Dating a Separated Man

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Registered: 08-09-2002
Dating a Separated Man
3
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:29pm
message deleted by poster


Edited 12/14/2006 9:44 am ET by debvt36
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 8:33pm

Well, he's told you marriage isn't in the cards for him again. So unless you want to give up marriage as an eventual goal, then continuing to date him isn't a good idea. Now, of course there's a *possibility* that he will change his mind, but if it's going to happen it will probably be at least several years down the road.

Are you willing to take the risk he will never change his mind? I think you need to assume he won't if you're going to stay with him...so it's not a matter of not getting married "right away", but not ever. Can you be ok with that?

The other big risk you run is that he realizes, especially once the divorce is final, that he's really not ready to be in any sort of serious relationship. Dating separated or newly divorced men is very dangerous, emotionally, for this reason.

So--are you willing to put another year or two into this and not end up with a serious LTR leading to marriage, or not end up together at all? Of course all relationships involve risk, there are no guarantees, but at least if you're with someone who is in an emotionally healthy place and interested in marriage, you have a better chance of getting what you want.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 7:29am

debvt36...

Pianoguy would like to offer you his sympathies.

Simply because you have assumed the role of the "unseen girlfriend!" And the moment this man moves back to North Carolina...you'll be MISSING IN ACTION completely!

I'll skip my usual: "Don't date anybody who is STILL LEGALLY MARRIED advice because you're too late for that! However...do you HONESTLY want to relocate again (in less than a year) for a man who pretty much has made up his mind that he has no plans to marry ANYBODY?

Custody of his child isn't the issue here....YOUR HAPPINESS IS!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 8:51am

Let me sum this up. You are the secret girlfriend of a man who is separated. You haven't met his child and he has no plans to marry you. But he wants you to move in with him and subsequently move to North Carolina, a place you don't enjoy.

Sounds great for him but I don't know what this relationship is doing for you.