dating separated man

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
dating separated man
2
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 10:16pm
I need advice on this issue. I have been dating this guy for a little over a year, who has been separated for about 7 years now, and is not pursuing a divorce for the reason that he can get one anytime. I still don't understand this, but it is not like he is hiding me, he lives on his own, I have met his children and stayed over on more than one occasion. His wife is also seeing someone else. I have been married before and do not see me getting married again, so I don't want to make an issue because it is not like if he gets divorced tomorrow I will want to get married again anyway.

Sometimes I don't know if I am in denial, but I sometimes would like it to progress where we can live together and his ties to her are only the children and not the "wife" label.

I have met his mother, and he wants me to get closer to his children....so why isn't he pursuing a divorce?????

I'm a little confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 2:51am

I'm confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:21am
Wow. Well. I totally disagree with the previous reply. Personally, I think it has more to do with "safety net" issues than anything else. 7 years is a little ridiculous. But there are a lot of people out there who need to hang onto something...regardless of whether it's working or not...until they have something better to move on to. And frankly, if it were me, I would bring it up. Why wouldn't you? This guy still has a wife. Be it only on paper. And if he loves you and he knew it bothered you...whether you ever plan to marry or not...I would think he would finalize his marital woes if only for your sake. Staying officially "seperated" is an easy way not to move on. It's a convenient excuse not to have to commit. Like I said, doesn't matter if you two ever plan to marry or not. The fact is, he CAN'T marry you even if that IS what you wanted to do. And he knows it. I don't think it's "small stuff." I think it's a convenient excuse. While I'm not saying you have to give him an ultimatum or anything, I think if it bothers you enough to have to write in about it, it's a big enough issue that you should be discussing with him. Make your point with him and then decide before you move in. You could be living with another woman's husband. Just my two cents. Hope it all works out for you.