dating a single mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
dating a single mom
4
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 8:04pm
I am a single mother of a child with special needs. I would like to know why men have a problem dating or getting involved with a person like me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 1:02pm

teenie1_66...

PG's question:

Whenever you're out on a date with someone, do you constantly bring up the special needs of your child? Or do you discuss other subjects?

Most men want to know about THE WOMAN and HER PERSONALITY during the first few dates. If you're constantly 'bouncing back to the difficulties of child rearing'---or subjects dealing with other family members---these subjects will often scare many of us away?

It's not that we're not interested in your family situation, but (face it)---the reason we asked you in the first place was for the purpose of "getting to know you" and having a nice evening out?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 5:49pm
As a single mom myself, I would have to agree with PG's response. Within the first few dates, you don't know if this is going to go any further than casual dating, etc. You aren't auditioning him to be a father figure, and it should be all about you and him and your life in general. Obviously you say you have a daughter, possibly mention that she has special needs, but leave it at that. If things progress, then you can have deeper conversations about her. Personally, I think children have much more delicate feelings and I want to leave them out of "casual relationships". They don't understand break ups very well. I love my daughter, and I love talking about her, but I try to restrain and let HIM bring her up as subject of conversation. Men have different comfort levels and most of them don't ask a single mom out on a date so they can become an "instant daddy". I think that is a big fear with men asking out single moms in general - not just ones who have special needs children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 6:51pm
The only time i bring it up is when they ask about children. I only answer questions that they bring up in regards to my daughter. She doesn't represent a problem in my life, she just takes time away from being around others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2005
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 9:43pm
It is just more difficult in general to date as a single mom. You have more responsibility, less free time, and aren't as "free" to go on a whim. So it takes longer to find someone. It takes alot of patience. Try to get involved with things in your community that will fill some free time and give you enjoyment like a pottery class or (I don't know how old your daughter is) classes like gymboree, or story time at the local library. Mother's groups are great too - or support groups for parents of special needs children. Those are all great places to not only do things for yourself, but to find like-minded individuals who could either be a) dating material or b)turn into great friends who might be able to set you up with someone who would be understanding of your situation. The best advice anyone has ever given me was "When you stop looking for love, it will find you" - because it is always true.