Dating these days at 46
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| Sat, 09-16-2006 - 5:25pm |
I’m going to put this on a few different places since there may be more than one way of looking at it…
I’m 46, been divorced for 4 years & didn’t even think about dating until a few months ago since I just had too many other things going on in my life, kids, job, moving to a new town… But I do enjoy doing things with other people & most of my friends are in relationships or married so can’t just up & do something. So now I’ve started looking around & checked out OLD. It’s been 23 years since I went on a date!!!! I’ve been contacted by a few different guys. I met 2 of them for a cup of coffee, then never again, which was fine with me, but I did enjoy talking to them & hearing about what kinds of things they did etc.. Another I went out with 2 times then he decided he wasn’t over his ex, which was ok by me since I wasn’t too interested either. Now I’ve been in contact with 2 more. I had coffee with one & then dinner, phone calls & I like spending time with him. Haven’t met the other yet but have had great emails & talks on the phone. But here’s my question.
I’ve been on my own now for over 4 years between separation & divorce. I do things my way, when I want, & work around my daughter’s schedule. Yes, it does get lonely & I like spending time with these men, but the idea of picking one or maybe even anyone to settle down with & have to adjust my schedule, house, habits etc. doesn’t sound too wonderful. I really just want to have a few good friends & these guys seem nice, but their goal seems to be finding a wife. So should these 2 know that I’m still looking at other people & not really interested in commitment but more in good friends? I mean maybe I’ll fall madly in love & want to settle down, but I can’t seem to imagine it at this point & none of these guys have sparked my interest that way. Anybody else ever feel this way?

You should feel free to let men know that you are dating others. It's usually understood in OLD that you're dating around, unless both parties decide from the start that you're exclusive.
And if you really are only interested in making friends, then don't spend time chatting or going out with men who say they want a serious relationship. That's a waste of his time and yours.
The danger of choosing men online who only want "friends" is that you're likely to run into a lot of guys looking for sex partners. That's one of the catch-22 elements of OLD. The only thing you can do is stick to your own principles and preferences, and be rigid about weeding out the inappropriate men.
I don't really have much more advice on that because when I was online-dating, I only dated men who said they wanted a LTR.
I wish you luck out there. I know it isn't always easy at this age (I'm 45). But just stay positive! I think you're on the absolute right track by having an easy-going attitude and feeling that it's fun meeting new people. This isn't brain surgery... It's only dating, and you are in the BEST position because you're not pressured about it.
I was reading your comments and thinking "What the heck?" (lol!) Then I realized your post should have been a reply to the OP....