Dating these days at 46

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Dating these days at 46
3
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 5:25pm

I’m going to put this on a few different places since there may be more than one way of looking at it…

I’m 46, been divorced for 4 years & didn’t even think about dating until a few months ago since I just had too many other things going on in my life, kids, job, moving to a new town… But I do enjoy doing things with other people & most of my friends are in relationships or married so can’t just up & do something. So now I’ve started looking around & checked out OLD. It’s been 23 years since I went on a date!!!! I’ve been contacted by a few different guys. I met 2 of them for a cup of coffee, then never again, which was fine with me, but I did enjoy talking to them & hearing about what kinds of things they did etc.. Another I went out with 2 times then he decided he wasn’t over his ex, which was ok by me since I wasn’t too interested either. Now I’ve been in contact with 2 more. I had coffee with one & then dinner, phone calls & I like spending time with him. Haven’t met the other yet but have had great emails & talks on the phone. But here’s my question.

I’ve been on my own now for over 4 years between separation & divorce. I do things my way, when I want, & work around my daughter’s schedule. Yes, it does get lonely & I like spending time with these men, but the idea of picking one or maybe even anyone to settle down with & have to adjust my schedule, house, habits etc. doesn’t sound too wonderful. I really just want to have a few good friends & these guys seem nice, but their goal seems to be finding a wife. So should these 2 know that I’m still looking at other people & not really interested in commitment but more in good friends? I mean maybe I’ll fall madly in love & want to settle down, but I can’t seem to imagine it at this point & none of these guys have sparked my interest that way. Anybody else ever feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 10:37am

You should feel free to let men know that you are dating others. It's usually understood in OLD that you're dating around, unless both parties decide from the start that you're exclusive.

And if you really are only interested in making friends, then don't spend time chatting or going out with men who say they want a serious relationship. That's a waste of his time and yours.

The danger of choosing men online who only want "friends" is that you're likely to run into a lot of guys looking for sex partners. That's one of the catch-22 elements of OLD. The only thing you can do is stick to your own principles and preferences, and be rigid about weeding out the inappropriate men.

I don't really have much more advice on that because when I was online-dating, I only dated men who said they wanted a LTR.

I wish you luck out there. I know it isn't always easy at this age (I'm 45). But just stay positive! I think you're on the absolute right track by having an easy-going attitude and feeling that it's fun meeting new people. This isn't brain surgery... It's only dating, and you are in the BEST position because you're not pressured about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:53pm
here's a little input for you...I'm 53 now but look like 43 at most I'm told..so yeah for that I guess when it comes to dating...my "dilemma" is ..I was married 28 years, divorced when I was 50...put the wrong age online because I was embarrassed to be that "old"...almost everyone I met wanted a second date or more but I did not because I just didn't get a spark...then I met my current boyfriend...he seemed too shy but I thought I'd give him another chance...we've been together over a year and a half and I guess I have the "perfect" situation that you would like to be in...he lives in an aptmt about fifty minutes from me and I own a house...so he comes to see me every Friday night and leaves Sunday night...sometimes I would like it to be more than that but I'm still getting alimony for three more years and so it would be out of the question to have him move in anyway...yes we potentially could get married but I think since he has mentioned before he does not want to split his money ever again as in potential second divorce...although he has said to me he never wants to let me go...etcetc totally in love etc...this is all well and good..I love him too but sometimes I wonder if I should have just kept dating for a while longer and kept him on the back burner for a while..and now I wonder if we should take a "break"...to let us see if the grass is greener elsewhere although it would hurt me a lot to think of him with another woman..of course sex would not be in the picture bec then it would be over for good for us..so far he has not taken me up on the idea bec I think he knows it might be over for good then...sigh..I'm in the opposite dilemma...so anyway...keep dating till it "sparks" for you and then see where it goes...just let the guys know you are dating around for a while and I don't mean sleeping around...well that's up to you I guess...have fun...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 7:31pm
Hi Tequilagirl,
I was reading your comments and thinking "What the heck?" (lol!) Then I realized your post should have been a reply to the OP....