Dating tips

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2012
Dating tips
Sat, 11-17-2012 - 2:49am

I have known this man (42 divorced) for 5 years.  Strickly professional relationship meetings were always part of a civic group we were in together.  We were cordial to each other.  He is ivy league and my college is public but one of the best in the southeast for my major.  So for me dating 'average' men is intellectually boring.  I really like intellecual guys.  So back in July he messaged me on a dating site (when he could have just facebook messaged me! lol) and basically said we need to 'get together'.  So my best friend actually went on 3 dates with him.  She gave me her blessing, said he could kiss and texted him my number.  We have texted nearly every other day since.

He asked me to lunch and then the 3 of us went to lunch.  He was worried about what she would think if we dated, that was the purpose of the three of us getting together.  To show that we are adults and it's a non issue.  We made arrangements to eat lunch at my office on a Monday.  Well he forgot, and I texted him like 10 min after he was to show up and he apologized and asked me to join him where he was.  I was unsure, but took him at his word he forgot.  He apologized several times.  

We continue to text, flirt etc.  He texts me an asks me to a Broadway show, opening night...a show I was dying to go to (he had no idea) and spend at least $425 that night on the date.  We went to dinner, the show and after show drinks and played darts.  We kissed quite a bit and it was hot! He droped me off and we said goodnight.  

We are both busy, but I dont want to make exuses.  I have been somewhat concered that we have been officially 'talking' outside the professional relationship since July and I feel that we have finally had our first REAL date.  3 lunches prior to this over a 4 month period.  I striaght up asked him why he finally asked me out.  He said because he already had the tickets.  

So I am left to wonder, is he really interested?  I feel like I am getting mixed messages.  3 lunches in 4 months and then BAM this over the top date!  (I didn NOT have sex him!) 

He did tell me he is not ready for a committed relationship.  I told him that was fine, however he must agree to my boundaries (which really means I get to date others and we DONT have sex) as long as he is 'not ready'.  He knew this BEFORE asking me to the broadway show.  He says I am facinating and intriguing.

I really really like him, but am NOT going to screw it up by sleeping with him.  

Is he stringing me along, just trying to impress my panties off me or actually may really like me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2011
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 3:20pm

HI Chica!

I think this is a great start to this relationship. I can't stress it enough that going slow is a GOOD THING! When you rush things it often turns out short lived. So my advise is continue to take it slow! I think he is interested in you because he is taking you out and enjoys your company. He doesn't want a relationship right away which is one sign that taking it slow is good, and you are able to date around- which is a good thing!

I think it's exciting when the dating process starts off slow. You get to the know person for who they really are, and he gets to know you for who you really are. With four "dates" in I think you are on the right track. Keep playing it cool and remember, he wouldn't have taken you out to the opening night of the show if he wasn't interested! Just give him time to take the lead. 

Hope this helps!



twitter: amylaurentmatch
facebook: amylaurentmatchmaker 
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 11-17-2012 - 7:18am

My first thought is, why not just let things unfold? I understand the need to want to define things and figure things out, but I think in the beginning it can be hard. I wouldn't ask him any more questons about "Where is this going?" If he asks you out, then he's interested. However, if he's already said he's not ready for a committed relationship, I'd really listen to that. You are strong now about not having sex, but if you continue to date him, you may get very attached to him.

And honestly, if a guy said to me that he asked me out because "he already had the tickets" I wouldn't be feeling too special. But I feel you may have put him on the defensive when you point blank asked him.