Dating Triangle Need Advice

Avatar for lollielulu
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Dating Triangle Need Advice
3
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 2:55pm
My friend and I have liked each other for a long time now. But he tells our mutal friends that he can't have a relationship with me because I use to date his best friend and he is afraid it would change their relationship for ever.

The thing is that we have been getting closer and closer and actually go out by ourselves a lot. Kinda like a date but nothing physical. He never lets me pay and we always have a good time.

He has actually kissed me on two different occasions. The first time it happen he called me the next day to say he was not ready to test those waters with his friend. I said ok. Now being months later it happened again the other night.

I have not talked to him yet but I am sure it will be tonight or tommorrow. What do I say? I have liked him for along time and can tell he likes me. He has said before I am what he is looking for in a girl but it is just his friend he is worried about. Do I just except it or do I tell him everything I feel. I think we are a great match and so do most our friends. BUt maybe he does not like me enough or maybe I need to talk to him. We have really never talked about it. Everything that we have said about each other was to our mutal friends. We are both shy, but I am ready to talk?

By the way I dated the friend over two years ago and it was nothing serious. He actually has a girlfiend but I guess he still likes me a little. And he was the one who dumped me.

Thanks for any info

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 3:20pm
You need to just tell him that you are interested and if he is too then you would like to date him. The worst he can say is no, right? Either way you'll know where you stand.

And so what if his friend dated you? It was HIS loss if he let you go....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 5:20pm
Normally I am the one defending the lines of loyalty when it comes to dating friends' exes. In this case I would say that you two are pretty much in the clear. If the relationship with his friend was not serious and HE dumped YOU then it really shouldn't be a big deal. This all hinges upon a few factors though. How long did you date the friend? Was there nudity involved? Does the friend still have romantic feelings toward you? How close of friends are they? Is the friend you dated a decent guy? If the relationship was short and no naked time involved then that's a plus for your current situation. If you did know the friend biblically, it could be a real problem. For the guy you like now, not the ex. Men can be funny about going boldly where someone they know has been before. If the two guys are close and the ex is still carry any kind of possesive feelings toward you that could be a problem. It may be that he doesn't want you (the ex) but still has you labeled as his in the back of his mind somewhere. If the two guys are close and have a solid friendship then your would-be beaux will put the feelings of his friend before his own in the matter. That's what friends do. You wouldn't want a guy who would give his friend the emotional shaft anyway. I would say tell the new guy how you feel and let him approach his friend about it. And he does need to talk to the ex first. It's the only way to keep guilt and resentment out from between the two of you. If he is unwilling to do so or the ex balks at the idea then let it go. BTW If I was the new guy I wouldn't mention any kissing, just that I was interested in pursuing you. Enough time has gone by that anything else is none of the ex's business. But talking to him first is the only way to keep their friendship intact and you out of the middle of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 6:44pm
Hi

He definitely likes you but is shy and also scared.
,