Dating an Unmarried Pastor
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Dating an Unmarried Pastor
| Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:17am |
I am seeing a single pastor. He pastors a Baptist church. The problem is our relationship is a secret and it is so hard sometimes. It's like having an affair with a married man. I can't tell anyone, we have to be careful what we say or do around the members of the church. Sometimes in public he acts like he doesn't know me. Then he calls me later and talks very sweet and loving on the phone.
I'm tired of the secret life. We have to be concerned about running into people in public. This is hard for me. I no longer want to be his secret. I want us to go public. He likes keeping things a secret. Should I dump him.

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You seem to have a history of getting involved with men who keep secrets. Why?
A man who has sincere interest in a woman will want to show her off to the world. A man with integrity treat her with respect in all areas. Hiding your relationship is not respect. And for a pastor to hide and sneak around with you says that his is more concerned with maintaining his reputation rather than doing what is right by you and by his congregation. he's a liar at best - lying to you and his congregation about his character.
If you want to be treated with respect then you must require it. Allowing him or anyone to hide your relationship is disrespectful. You decide what you want and act accordingly. Stop getting involved with men of poor character.
Toni
I do understand that members of the clergy live more in a fishbowl than the rest of us. I wouldn't like this either though. There comes a point where one has to be honest about what they are doing and with whom they are doing it. I'd have an honest discussion with this man and give him options, either the two of you go public or you move on.
I do understand he is a pastor but I would also wonder whether he is seeing more than one woman.
He's a Baptist preacher, not a Catholic. He can date and get married and all that. I find it highly suspicious that he has to "keep you secret". There's something that just doesn't work with that.
As the others said, just say something about how you don't feel comfortable keeping things secret anymore. This may mean you going to a different church so you can be public - maybe there ARE rules against dating members of your own congregation. But it either should be go public or you break up. A real relationship is not kept hidden from the world.
Good luck.
I would date no man, pastor or otherwise, who wanted to keep our relationship a secret. Why does HE want to keep it a secret in the very first place? It's 'acceptable' for single pastors to date of any religion. I would say that this man either has a problem, or he is dating more than one person at a time.....he's hiding something....do you have any idea what that may be?
Plus, hiding your relationship won't last forever even if you keep trying to hide it anyways....KWIM?
If someone wanted to hide me in a relationship, then it would hurt me, make me feel rejected, or that he was embarrassed of me....I definatley don't want them ignoring me or acting like they don't know me in public...that's silly & childish....
I say to 'pretend' that your dating someone else.....and see how fast he wants to be public then....LOL
Dear heavenly36,
I also dated a gentleman who was the head of a ministry in our church. We were quiet about it, in the beginning, but people noticed. We actually came under fire because people did not like the idea of our being together and showing our affection to each other. That affection included smiling at each other as we talked after service or a gathering, absolutely nothing more. Oh, let me add that what really brought us together is that we both have girls who had become friends. I actually would regularly take a group of girls, his included, on little outings like sleepovers and trips to the museum or beach...none were singled out. And yet, we were still under condemnation and motives were questioned. All to say, it is wise to be cautious until you have determined that this is real. If you find, you are not compatible, then you can quietly stop seeing each other. However, if you are compatible, yet he doesn't want to make this permanent, then you should remain friends, but stop the intimate phone calls. Once we realized our love for each other, we started attending Bible study and little things like that together and let people draw their conclusions. Unfortunately, I was put through the ringer by some. However, there were many who I invited to our wedding and wished us well.
I pray that you have peace and joy no matter what and that you allow God to give you the true desires of your heart.
Agape
Mary
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