Dating Younger Men
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| Sun, 04-18-2004 - 10:09am |
I work as a nurse in a teaching hospital, and I recently met a young intern there. Initially, I thought that he'd be a great fit for a younger girlfriend of mine, but the more I look at him as boyfriend material for my girlfriend, the more attracted I've become to him. He's absolutely adorable, well mannered, funny, and competent.
He's 27, and I'm 38, and while I do get flustered around him, I don't think that he's aware that I'm attracted to him. He won't be at my hospital for too long, since we get a bunch of new interns ever so often.
What I'd like to know is ... do I even consider starting a relationship with this young man. And if I do ... how do I go about it? I mean ... what do I say to make this young man aware of me? Once I can get his attention as a date candidate, I'm pretty sure that I can handle everything very well from there, but I just don't know how to make the first move. And - how do I really get past this age issue?
See, I keep thinking that if I were his mother, I'd think twice about having my son date an older woman with kids. But I'm not even looking at anything more than just spending time with this man. I've found that I really want to. I want to get to know him on a personal level - go out for drinks or a walk, or go to the movies or drives in the country. I find the very little that I know of him and his personality to be fascinating. And I do believe that as a mature woman, I can bring so much more to a relationship with him. I think of him quite often, and I'd really be very annoyed with myself if he moves on to another hospital without my having had the opportunity or the nerve to ask him out. Although, truth to tell, I've never asked a man out before.
I've thought up a million and one ways to approach him, and at the same time, unless I need to speak with him about a mutual patient, I avoid him. It's bad enough that I have problems breathing or thinking around him, I don't want to come off as needy too.
He probably has scores of girlfriends, and I don't want to be arrogant enough to think that this man will even consider giving me the time of day. While he hasn't really expressed an interest in me, he did say to me once, "I like your hair. I've always liked your hair." Which took me totally by surprise since that was the absolutely last thing I expected. And a day later, when I had to call him about a patient, his first comment to me was: "I don't do massages!" I've been out of it so long, that I don't know if this is his way of flirting with me. In both instances I got very professional and skirted the comments. But I was in the best of moods on those two shifts, and every shift that I've had to work with him - regardless of the chaos that goes on in hospitals. So, what do I do? I've never approved of work place romances either. (I spent 20 years in the business field before switiching to nursing, and I've never once been involved in a workplace romance.)
Oh, one other thing: I don't know if I'm emitting some kind of signal, but since I've become interested in this man, I've had three men suddenly approach me wanting to go out with me. (Sorry, I forgot that - I was so focused on my doctor.) While I'm flattered, I'm really just interested in this particular man. Do you, in your judgement, think that I should take these men up on their offers and practise my dating skills while I work up the courage to make my move (funny, huh?) on the intern before I lose contact with him forever - even though I'm not interested in dating any of these three men? When it rains, it really pours, doesn't it? Eleven years and now this, huh?
I'm sorry for the very long message. And thank you so very much for all your comments and criticisms - I'll consider them all as I decide what to do.

Regarding the other men: if the intern is interested and he finds out you're dating others, that will get his competitive nature up and he'll know that if he wants a chance with you, he'll have to step up to the plate or lose HIS chance at getting to know you. Also, just because you're not necessarily attracted to any of the men who asked you out, something may develop if you get to know them. At the very least, you may make some new friends. Don't act like you aren't good enough for the intern and feel like you have to impress him to get his attention. Be confident in yourself and know you are a special person with lots to offer.If he doesn't make the effort to get to know you, it's his loss, not yours.