dating...phone calls

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
dating...phone calls
3
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 11:41am
...I've been dating this guy for about a little over a month. At first things were moving really slow...we didn't even kiss until the third date, and didn't make out until our fifth date. Anyway, I really like to spend time with him and all that, and I think that he'a an awesome person, and such the gentleman---the only thing is that he doesn't call me. At the end of our dates, we make plans to see each other again...and he calls me the day that we're supposed to go out. I am going to see him tomorrow, and I am pretty certain that we will most likey get more intimate. Is it too early in the dating game for me to bring up the whole calling thing? Or even possibly the whole seeing other people conversation. I don't want to sleep with him, if he's seeing anyone else...bc/ I am not that type of person. However, I don't want to scare him off either. ( I've never been in a situation like this...bc/ all of the other guys I've dated have called me almost every day...is it that he's not the phone type? or bc/ he's 5 years older than me? ) I don't know what to think? ANY advice would help!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 12:28pm
I'm probably the wrong person to be answering this post, but I'll answer it anyway. I think it's too early to have these conversations about "where the relationship is going", and it's certainly too early to get intimate. If you "fool around" as early as the 5th date, most guys will take you for granted and become the lamest excuse for a bf. Some guys even go AWOL, as soon as they have a romantic interlude. If you want a long lasting relationship, make him wait.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 9:15am

Sorry to interject but I don't think making out with a guy on a 5th date with your clothes on is that bad. I've done it sooner and the guys respected me. I will kiss for a few minutes on the first date only if it goes really well and I will increase the time with each progressive date. Of course, they start grabbing for stuff that I did not give them permission to grab for with my clothes on even if we're just in their cars, and I will have to tell them to stop. The sex issue is the one that's always tricky for me but I generally wait anywhere from a month to several months depending on the guy, and I make sure he's not dating anyone else. I just say something like I don't have sex with someone who's having sex with other people and I give clues throughout my dates that I don't do that kind of thing and I expect the same in return so it's not that shocking when the issue finally needs to be dealt with. But I certainly don't make him wait on purpose if I feel the time is right. I think that's what the original poster should do if she feels awkward about having "the talk." Make him aware about your values and expectations earlier on. I would hold off on sex with this guy because he should call you at least once throughout the week or else, it seems like he has one foot out the door at all times, which would not make me feel too secure if I was you. Jokingly ask him if he's too busy to talk to you throughout the week and see what he will say. I think that if it feels like he's seeing other people, he probably is. That is, if his life seems disproportionately hectic and busy, that's because he's got a lot of things going on that you may not know about and he may not want you to know about.

To gingersnappelle, how long do you suggest waiting if you both know you're not seeing anyone else and you really like each other? The relationship books I've read say that you shouldn't make a guy wait on purpose though you should definitely have the talk about being sexually monogamous as early as you feel that you're both heading for exclusivity. If the guy bails, then he was not looking for a relationship in the first place. Does this make sense to you?




Edited 11/12/2005 9:21 am ET by ising101
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 9:23am

You can do what is right for you, but I usually have my clothes off a lot sooner than a 5th date. I've never had a man disappear either.

I think it is wrong to play keep-away just because you are trying a weird game of getting a man to "respect" you. Afterall, he takes his clothes off right along with you.